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Relations between people build the whole society. Friendship, love, and work relationships are part of our lives. It is difficult to imagine the future of mankind without them. There might be a person who has Asperger’s syndrome in your circle of friends. You should know that communicating with such a person, you need to be extremely polite and attentive. But what if you have fallen in love with a person with Asperger’s syndrome? How to behave correctly?
What’s Asperger’s Syndrome?
Before dating a guy with Asperger’s (or a girl), you have to know what it is. So, this is a form of autism that is a lifelong dysfunction, which affects a person’s perception of the world, received information and attitudes towards people around them. This pathology is often called “latent dysfunction,” since it is impossible to identify it by external signs. This disease can have different manifestations, but, usually, it affects three areas.
Social communication. People have difficulties with understanding the tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, etc. It is difficult for such people to choose a topic for conversation. People with Asperger’s syndrome don’t understand sarcasm and jokes at all, and they don’t perceive metaphors. From birth and throughout life, a patient with Asperger’s syndrome has unusual features of speech. Verbal communication is not perceived by such a person as a tool for social interaction. In their understanding, speech is needed only for cases when it is necessary to talk about specific facts.
Social interaction. People with Asperger’s syndrome want to be sociable, but they can’t maintain social relations with others due to the nature of the pathology. They find it difficult to make acquaintances and maintain a friendship. These people don’t understand the norms of behavior that others consider forbidden. That is, they may start an inappropriate conversation or, during the conversation, stand too close to an interlocutor, violating a person’s personal space.
Social imagination. Even though some of them have difficulties with communication, they have a great imagination. People with Asperger’s syndrome can be excellent artists, musicians or writers.
In addition, a particular schedule is characteristic of this syndrome. People with Asperger’s establish their own daily routine, which, in their understanding, makes their worlds less confusing. They can work only at a particular time, and an unexpected delay in work causes great excitement and anxiety. They go home, to work or school on the same road. They adhere to other patterns of behavior. Often Asperger’s syndrome is accompanied by a strong interest in a particular area of life or activity. This obsession persists throughout life.
As they grow older, such people focus on learning everything related to the topic of interest. If they have a serious incentive, then people with Asperger’s syndrome can work successfully within the limits of their interests.
If we are talking about Asperger’s and dating, then in order to build normal relationships with such people, you need to be able to point out your desires and goals. Since people with Asperger’s Syndrome don’t understand the hints, you can tell your loved one directly, “I would be pleased if we go to the restaurant at least once a month,” “In order to maintain emotional contact, we need to spend more time working together” or something like that. It is better to clarify what you specifically want. Just offer a joint activity and don’t forget to inform a person in advance about details not to violate their everyday routine. For persuasiveness, you can say that all people do it – this argument usually helps. And one more important thing is that these people may have some problems with the expression of feelings. People with Asperger’s syndrome feel great, but they don’t know how to express it. They would be happy to do it, but they don’t know how. However, you can teach them with own example.
Dating Someone with Asperger's
There are cases when people with Asperger’s syndrome don’t have such a diagnosis because they never went to doctors. They are simply perceived as eccentric and strange. But if you understand what is going on with a person and get a chance to start a relationship, you can’t miss some features. Yes, it is the features, not the flaws! And dating someone with Asperger’s, follow these rules.
1. Don’t think that Asperger’s syndrome is a disease. One of the most important Asperger’s tips is not to take it strangely. Think of it as the type of personality. Each personality type has its positive and negative sides. People with this syndrome are usually very smart, but they need help in developing social skills such as decision-making and optimism.
2. Don’t be offended by their behavior. Dating someone with mild Asperger’s, don’t forget that these people just want to be frank and honest. Someone may take it as rudeness. But it is not so. They don’t want to offend you and be rude. Don’t forget that communication may be difficult for these people. So, don’t think badly about them.
3. Use a treatment plan to develop social skills. For example, it may include talking to people in different social situations. Try to prepare your loved one to them.
4. Don’t violate their personal boundaries. Moreover, don’t touch them without permission. Otherwise, it will make them turn away. These people don’t like unexpected touches.
5. Don’t be too criticized. This is one of the most important things in dating someone with Asperger’s. You have to remember that many of these people have gone through a difficult life. Now they have to work hard to understand that not every person is rude. So, treat them with good emotions and feelings. If they get to know that you ignore them, then this is a reason to feel bad. They need your response and kind attitude.
6. Understand their nature. Remember that communication difficulties may appear in a couple. Asperger’s and dating problems are almost the synonyms. But actually, if you do everything right, you will cope with any problem. For example, these people have some difficulties with the interpretation of social rules. So, be patient and treat them with understanding and care, and you will succeed.
7. Don’t shout at them. Never speak too loudly and don’t shout. It is very painful for them. This causes an adrenaline rush in their bodies. Of course, they don’t like this.
8. Be patient. Dating a girl with Asperger’s (or a guy), please be patient and specify what you have said, explain what you have had in mind if they don't understand your words. Don’t think that they have negative or hostile intentions if they ask you to repeat. Things, which are natural to you are given with additional effort to them.
9. Don’t expect emotions for them. Don’t think that they lack sympathy or emotions. They react to a negative or biased attitude. They know when people treat them hostilely. People with Asperger’s syndrome automatically close if you show disrespect.
10. Try to explain everything in detail. They take things as they are and can’t understand hints. That is why they can ask many questions to understand what you mean. Actually, they ask a lot of questions. Don’t take it personally. This is their way of making sure that they understand everything right.
11. Don’t ask for eye contact. If you want to try Asperger’s dating, keep in mind that people do their best to make eye contact with others. But this may distract them from other senses of perception.
12. Go to a specialist. Counseling with a psychologist, professional therapist or psychiatrist will help you learn more about Asperger’s syndrome. A therapist must develop a treatment plan to help people with such a diagnosis in their daily lives.
13. Watch the behavior of a person with Asperger’s syndrome when he/she feels unhappy. Ask your soulmate what actions could trigger such a mood. Ask your partner how to avoid causing him/her grief in the future.
14. Treat them as equals. Their voices may seem inexpressive or have an unusual tone. However, remember that they can’t talk like you. You will need to use their style of speech. Please be patient with people with Asperger’s syndrome. For them, it takes some time to formulate the answers.
Dating Sites for Asperger’s
As it is known, people with Asperger’s syndrome have difficulties with meeting offline because they feel constraint. Thus, they constantly feel loneliness, social phobia and even want to disappear from this world. But in the age of high technology, the Internet comes to the rescue. It is much easier to get acquainted on the Internet because you don’t see an interlocutor. Here social phobia disappears by itself, and people can open up to each other. Then, when people get to know each other and understand that they have sympathy, they can meet and talk in person. Perhaps, using these dating sites for people with Asperger’s, someone will find their love or true friends. They will have the meaning of life and the emptiness, sadness, sadness, longing, depression will disappear.
1. eDarling. This is a German dating site, which has already had a huge audience of 16 million people from more than 18 countries of the world. eDarling is the best Asperger’s dating site because it is quite simple in use. But keep in mind that no matter what, you should develop the skills of communication, charisma, and charm. Without this, it is impossible to turn an acquaintance into something long-lasting.
2. Aspergers Dating site. This dating site for people with Asperger’s syndrome will help you find new friends, expand your social circle, and find mutual love. You can go on a journey together, meet and live a rich life when every day brings joy. Isn’t it great to find someone who can understand you and perceive you as you are?
3. Aspie Singles. Here you will feel free and relaxed. Moreover, the site is designed especially for people with Asperger’s syndrome. It will require you to register before communication, but after that, a huge database of user profiles will be open for you. Now you have a chance to make your dreams come true. Just do it right now.
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