What to Do When You Feel Unwanted in a Relationship


Often, people live as a family, have children, spend every day together, but the feeling of loneliness still haunts them. This is a common situation, in which both partners remain in the game but feel like they have already lost. Feeling unwanted and constantly increasing tension leads to separation. But could the situation have been saved?

To avoid this, it is necessary first to consider why feeling unwanted in a relationship is a thing. If you want to continue a relationship and cure your love of these torments, read on.

feeling unloved and unwanted

What is like when you're feeling unwanted?

The feeling of loneliness, when there is a constant partner nearby but the void inside, doesn't disappear because it’s a paradox. Everyone can appear in the risk group, regardless of gender, age, social status, or financial wellbeing. Psychologists describe feeling unloved and unwanted as the state when you permanently experience pinching. It is hard to breathe and think about anything except that your partner doesn't care about you. It is inevitably accompanied by the loss of spiritual connection between the lovers.

This unpleasant feeling can even serve one of the relationships deal breakers for many people. It appears for several reasons:

  • lack of respect for the desires, needs, and dreams of the better half;
  • loss of understanding between the spouses;
  • lack of desire to accept the feelings of a partner;
  • if during the joint-life general interests have not been developed;
  • mental misbalance inside the person, the disconnection with the true identity;
  • showing no emphatic feelings and emotions for each other;
  • mistrust in the family, jealousy, and persistent suspicion of cheating.

Before going to the psychologist, you need to analyze what preceded your loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted. Do you suspect your man is cheating because you caught him using single women sites? Maybe you ceased to spend time together? Does your partner appreciate your efforts and praises you for the support you provide? Or do they take everything for granted? There is always a bigger reason behind why you think your partner doesn’t need you.

Main reasons why you start feeling unwanted in a relationship

 Experiencing the constant pressure of these negative emotions, a person wants to run away as far as possible and completely isolate oneself from the whole world, people, and everything that happens. In the early stages of feeling unwanted by a spouse, people try to seek help from their relatives and friends but often get an incomprehensible answer. This state of mind is an indicator of a deeper psychological problem that should be discussed with a professional. Here are the reasons for this feeling that a psychologist is likely to list:

Childhood traumafeeling unloved and unwanted

Fear of being abandoned first occurs in childhood and is usually associated with sudden (often prolonged) separation from parents. Small children cannot understand the meaning of the actions of adults and suffer from loneliness. When they grow up, they will constantly wonder how to deal with feeling unwanted in a relationship.

Early victims of adult responsibility

Sometimes parents very early force the child to take on "adult" responsibilities to sacrifice their interests in favor of a brother or sister. This child grows up being assured that no one cares about them and that love should be earned.

Ugly duckling

Some individuals are constantly anxious to adjust their behavior to the expectations of others. Feeling lonely and unwanted becomes their normal state in adolescence. A teenager is trying with all their might to hide their dissimilarity so that peers do not push them away, do not expel them from their company. Becoming an adult means overcoming this crisis and asserting yourself as a person.

Acting as a victim

Introducing yourself as unnecessary, a person looks like a victim of unfair circumstances and caring people try to show sympathy to them, support, and, in general, take them out of this unproductive state. Sometimes, the person unconsciously chooses the role of a victim to deserve care. This is a hidden manipulation.

Getting attention

Imagine that you told one of your friends, maybe a relative, husband, wife, that you feel like this. What do you expect to hear in response? Words of consolation and a refutation of your uselessness. Thus, one of the possible ways to use the feeling of being unnecessary is to receive attention, care, and support. And, through this, of course, an increase in self-esteem.

Unnecessary means worthlessness

Uselessness is often associated with unworthiness. Because being superfluous in society means being rejected. In other words, feeling unwanted makes a person ceases attempting to move towards higher goals, believing that they are not for them. Some people mask their laziness behind feeling unwanted in a relationship.

Exceptionality and significance

Being unwanted makes some people feel unique. This is a certain status, true in their own eyes. To a person, this may seem like an easy and attractive way to give yourself more importance than they have now. Perhaps they feel unimportant because there is a certain sign of distinction in this.

Is this your problem, or should it be solved with a partner?

Loneliness is a fairly common label that can be used to designate a whole range of senses — from long-awaited peace, giving pleasure, to hard-to-bear feelings that bring suffering. One of the feeling unwanted quotes says, "If you need me, I will be in the same place where I was when you did not need me." Of course, you are not the center of the universe, and people are not supposed to think about you all the time. It is normal to feel lonely sometimes. When mentally stable people feel go through this, they reach out to their friends first and do not sit in the corner, drowning in an existential overthinking.

A person should often be alone to relax without external stimuli, social networks, conversations, and extraneous noise. Loneliness practitioners know that by being alone, you can relax as much as possible, get in touch with your deepest feelings, and even enter a creative state.

Letting go of feeling unwanted in a relationship: effective tips. Contacting a family psychologist will indeed help solve this problem. To make the healing process faster and explain to your partner what is going, use the practices described below.

Say goodbye to routinefeeling unwanted

You need to talk frankly with each other. A partner who feels unnecessary should emotionally and honestly describe their feelings. Many couples already have a committed relationship at this stage. So, you should feel free to talk about your true thoughts and emotions.

Different interests — different destinies

Psychologists advise learning to separate each other's interests as one of the tips on how to deal with feeling unwanted. Once a week, you can take fitness classes together, arrange a fishing trip, or any other joint activity. None of the partners will feel unnecessary if they get passionately involved in doing something together.

Common children

The feeling of loneliness is often characteristic for couples who do not have children yet. Of course, a child is not the answer to all questions. But it can inspire a new life into the relationship that seemed doomed. Focusing on raising a child can become your way of letting go of feeling unwanted in a relationship.

Take responsibility for yourself

Learn to sort out your emotions. If they are negative, there is no need to be scared and fall into depression or screw yourself up even more. Seek a way out of a dark mood but in a peaceful way.

Child injuries

Attending a psychologist and reconsidering the experiences you had while growing up will be useful. Childhood injuries are a very specific concept that, in 99% of cases, cannot be practiced and thought out on your own. Many events sit deep in consciousness. A person does not always recognize their presence and the danger for their relations with other people. Only in-depth training of your thoughts, emotions, and feelings will help you again become a full-fledged personality, attuned to the positive.

Accept and understand the partner

It is necessary to realize that the other person is not always responsible for how you feel. Do not treat the other one (or their image in your head) as a tool to obtain happiness. Discard all attempts to assign a person "to yourself." This is the first step on the way to the harmony of relations.

Be an easy-going personloneliness and the feeling of being unwanted

The emerging feeling of loneliness makes its owner closed and aloof. It is difficult for such people to make contact. If you notice these negative traits in yourself, try to explain your state to other people. For instance, say that you are experiencing a difficult period in your life so that your friends do not think that you are rude or try to avoid them.

No need to ask extra questions

You don't have to ask yourself what went wrong in life or when it will end. You just need to find a good friend. Analyzing the past is the road to overthinking and anxiety. Allow yourself to perceive things as they are at this moment.

Help others

Feeling unwanted? Then find someone you can genuinely help and do not wait for anything back. Friends will be grateful if you look after their children while they finally go to the cinema. Do charity work or take a pet from the shelter—one of the feelings that can replace the feeling of being needed by other people while helping them.

It is important to communicate with people regularly

Talk to colleagues outside of work whenever possible. For example, dining together or going to the movies is helpful. It is recommended to go to the gym with someone you know and sign up for any courses to make new friends. Or periodically call and visit your parents. You can gain skills and spend time with like-minded people. These steps will reduce your dependence on the partner.

How many ambiguities arise in the relationship! And the first thing we do at a critical moment is we start feeling sorry for ourselves. In these minutes, we can make decisions to start living for ourselves finally, love ourselves, make our dreams come true. Making hasty conclusions like this can make you feel unwanted. Loneliness, seasoned with a sense of uselessness, abandonment, and thoughts, "I was betrayed." The loneliness that hurts pride is unbearable.

And in order not to experience pain, we unconsciously begin to run away from it. Someone hides in work, another one tries to dull feelings with alcohol or seize with various goodies, or goes on a long trip. But none of this can truly relieve you of the feeling of spiritual emptiness. It fills you with vital energy and love of life.

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