Is She Flirting or Just Being Friendly?


“Flirting is a hard thing to notice, people do not always correctly read the signals that their interlocutors are sending,” says Teresa Didonato, a social psychologist, and professor at the University of Maryland. – “People often dread rejection and therefore, they flirt with us indirectly. They try to be very attentive, tell something funny and play tricks. And leave us with the question - what did our interlocutor mean?”

A study at the University of Kansas made it clear how good we are at recognizing situations when people try to flirt with us. Psychologists observed how unfamiliar people communicate with each other for 20 minutes. After that, the subjects shared their first impressions. What were the results of this study?

flirting or friendly

How Good Are We at Recognizing Flirting Signs?

1. Physical attraction. The more we are attracted to a person, the more willing we are to flirt at the very first acquaintance. If a person isn’t physically attracted to another person at first, they will be less likely to perceive the latter’s attempts at flirting.

2. Men and women are equally wrong. The vast majority of us cannot understand when others are being friendly or flirting. Only 18% of ladies guessed that men showed them special signs of attention. Men, on the other hand, showed slightly better results - 36% were able to determine that women wanted to please them. In most cases, such attention is simply not recognized by both genders.

3. People better recognize the absence of flirting. 83% of women were able to recognize the situations in which men weren’t really into them from the start. And this is quite consistent with the intentions of the interlocutors. Men showed the same results at 84% of correctness. In other words, both sexes were very sober in their assessment of their interlocutor’s friendly disposition, not trying to pass it off as a manifestation of particular interest. However, they demonstrated complete naivety when it came to recognition of the signs of flirting.

“It’s great if you find lots of common things with a person, you find entertainment in each other’s company. However, due to the inability to recognize the romantic signals sent to us, we run the risk of breaking up with a potentially close person and passing our love by,” said Teresa Didonato. Is it hard for you to recognize whether a woman is flirting or friendly? Then be sure to read the following signs of female flirting.

10 Signs of Female Flirting

It's hard to answer with the absolute certainty, "Is she being nice or flirting?" To men, women are very strange and mysterious creatures, they cannot be understood at times since they value pretexts, emotions, and feelings over rationality. And while it is easy to throw around suggestions that women or men should change their ways because of that, it doesn’t seem likely that sexes will ever come to truly understand each other. However, this is not a reason for us to stop our hardest to understand these beauties. Every lady is special, yet some of their actions and habits can be predicted, this goes for everything, including relationship and love. Thus, to help all of the men out there understand female emotions, we will talk about the signs that she is flirting with you.

1. She tries to touch you

This is quite simple, guys are very similar in this. If you are attracted to a person – you seek physical contact. Perhaps you would like more, but the only thing you can afford at first is to touch a persons’ skin, even if accidentally. If this seems to be a recurring theme, then she is flirting with you.

is she flirting or being nice2. She “accidentally” shows herself off

Is she flirting with me or just being friendly? Keep an eye out for this sign. This is quite a direct way of flirting that women aren’t afraid to use. If during your time together it just so “accidentally” happens that you get lots of picturesque views, her legs, her neck, her breasts – this is no coincidence, she knows what she is doing, and she is being quite direct with it.

3. She shows interest in your life

How to tell if she's flirting or being friendly? This is one of the subtler ones, it may be hard to notice this sign at all, but in most cases, it will be obvious whether a girl is into your stories or not. The deciding factor is whether or not she remembers what you have said, asks questions and wants you to clarify certain aspects of your stories.

4. She gives compliments

Is she flirting or being nice? If a lady likes something in you, then you are going to hear that from her. Girls rarely give compliments, we don’t really know why, but this is a fact. Therefore, if you are presented with a compliment, this is a sign of attraction.

5. She wants to be near you all the time

Let’s say a girl has initiated a party. You are among those who were invited. And instead of entertaining her various guests, she is concerned with you alone. There is no other way to put it, why would she leave all of those people hanging out and talk to you alone? She is very interested in you, don’t be afraid of her attention.

6. She is staring at you

Well, it’s either that there is some very shocking visual trigger like a spider that is crawling up your shirt, going around your neck and she is afraid of scaring it, or she tries to hint that you are quite a handsome fellow. The first option is quite unlikely to be the case, but you should not mess with spiders.

7. She demonstrates "sexual" humor

Is she flirting or just being nice? Nothing happens just like that. Girls, as a rule, do not speak and do not joke about sex if their interlocutor is a man. But to every rule there is an exception, in this case, this is a man, with whom the rules lose their meaning. Such humor can be a sign of flirting or serious interest.

8. She tries to make gifts or treat you at a bar

Such actions are not a sign of an irresistible desire to spend a night with you. No. This is just a hint that her efforts may warm you up for such a night in the future. Ladies are not as careful in flirting as men are, but they still try to follow certain rules.

9. She hints at what she likes

Have you ever heard of psychological barriers? These are obstacles that do not allow us to accomplish our plans (and, often, just to conceive them) if any specific conditions are not met. So, all of the girls have their own plans and goals. Now imagine: a lady is excited to continue your relationship, but ... cannot afford it. Until you, for example, “by chance” invite her to a restaurant she has been dreaming of since childhood (naturally, neither the fact of such a dream nor the name of a restaurant can be known in advance). A girl, on a subconscious level, can assume that you cannot predict the feature. Therefore, how can one know if she's flirting or being friendly? If she truly likes you, she will surely give you some subtle hints on what she wants.

10. She often emphasizes being free and lonely

How to know if she is flirting or just friendly? Women don’t like to talk about their past relationships. If you find yourself hearing lots of such stories - well, you may just friends, nothing more. If a girl playfully and jokingly mentions her past experiences and hints that she would like to find a new partner – look out for some signs on whether she is hinting on that new target being you. Is it friendly flirting or serious flirting? Certainly, the latter.

By keeping an eye for these sings, you will never ever need another “is she flirting or being a friendly quiz.”

20 Facts About Flirting

  1. flirting or just friendlyIt takes around 6–8 dates for the majority of couples to officially start dating each other.
  2. On dating sites, approximately 10% of all of the users aren’t looking for a partner but rather for a profit.
  3. Studies suggest that women initiate flirting in 90% of all situations.
  4. According to the site Baboo.com, the most successful phrases by men concern women’s lips.
  5. The most popular people on dating sites are those who are good at flirting, not those who are the most attractive.
  6. The act of flirting has certain effects on our bodies. For those people who are flirting, more white blood cells are produced in the body than for non-flirting people. And human health, including its immune system, depends on the number of white blood cells in general.
  7. Romantic relationships in the workplace end with serious relationships only in 40% of cases.
  8. When meeting and choosing a partner, 43% of people consider fresh breath to be the most important, 17% prefer stylish clothes, a pleasant smell of perfume or toilet water is important for 15%, 14% appreciate good skin appearance, and beautiful hair is important to 10% of people.
  9. Flirting is considered to be illegal in some cities. The obsolete New York law stated that a man can be fined $25 if he looks at a woman in a wrong way.
  10. Scientists suggest that women put red lipstick on their lips when they flirt. Observation of the University of Manchester for the movement of male eyes showed that men hold their eyes on red lips for 7.3 seconds, and 6.7 seconds for pink ones.
  11. According to opinion polls, universities, cafes, and shopping centers are among the best places for flirting. The most inappropriate places are restaurants and cinemas.
  12. Smell is very important when it comes to dating. Men like the smell of artificial tan, baby lotion, and fried foods. Sweeter fragrances are also effective, such as the smell of lipstick or lavender.
  13. 80% of surveyed women told that the sense of self-confidence in men is quite important to them. The more confident a man is – the likelier a woman is to get excited.
  14. Women are quite likely to stumble on their words when they are flirting with men.
  15. Strange fact, but studies have shown that men know that they have fallen in love after 3 dates, and women fall in love only after the 14th date.
  16. 4 types of women whom men try to avoid: those who are constantly flirting, those who start talking about marriage too early, party lovers, overly talkative women who are constantly yammering about useless stuff.
  17. The 4 most common mistakes in dating include: being late, not allowing a person to talk, talking about previous relationships and excessive diligence.
  18. Men don’t like noisy women. If a woman wants to date, she has to approach a man without being loud and distracting.
  19. Researchers suggest that to achieve the perfect skill of flirting, it is necessary to approach the matter as if failure is not possible. Flirt comes down to the right mood.
  20. It turns out that the weather outside has a direct impact on your success in dating. Scientists have brought numerous experiments that a sunny and warm day increases your chances of getting your partner’s attention than rainy and foggy one. In most cases, this trend affects women more than men.
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