How to Start Thinking about Dating after Divorce


Indeed, marriage breakdowns may be different. Some are devastating and some are desirable. However, it is always a traumatic experience. Even if you feel like this is the great weight off your mind, it might be not that easy to overcome a distress. Well, if you read this article, you’re probably willing to change something in your single life. Discover now our nine simple tips on how to smoothly get back into the dating scene after a breakup with your spouse.

dating after divorce

How to Start Thinking about Dating after Divorce

1. Get rid of sorrow

Any breakup or divorce happens under its own circumstances and due to various reasons. Whether it is you or your ex who was the initiator, separation is rather a painful thing for both of you. So first of all, you need to absolutely recover from it. Of course, some details will live in your mind forever. Yet your job is to neutralize them in order to get rid of mental suffering. Look, if you start dating someone new before you’re actually ready, there’s a huge risk of another doomed romance.

2. Analyze your past experience

When the memories don’t hurt you anymore, it’s time for the next step. Look soberly at your last relationship and try to fully understand why it ended in such an unpleasant way. Sure, you’ve already discussed it with your ex, your best friend, and your mum like a hundred times. However, we suggest you return to this subject as you can think about it keeping a cool head.

3. Understand who you want

Now, when you’ve completely moved on, get to thinking about a type of a partner you’d like to have by your side. As you might already know, it’s impossible without determining what your ex’s qualities you liked and disliked. We suggest you make up a list and divide those character features into two categories – positive and negative. This will help you figure out what you should look for in candidates for your heart.

4. Renovate your spirits

It’s natural that breakups and divorces harm our self-esteem. If you’ve been abandoned, you likely feel worthless. If it’s you who abandoned your ex, you nonetheless feel depressed since that might be your fault. Again, remember what we told you about recovery and analysis. Once your experience doesn’t cause tangible pain to you, it’s time to move further. Accept yourself and learn to be happy about who you are. This will help you not only find a good match but upgrade your personality as well.

5. Be honest

With yourself and everyone around. As you already feel comfortable about your strengths and weaknesses, let your potential dates know it. Convey your dating intents and expectations to your prospective mate in order to avoid wasting time. Many people, who experienced marriage breakdown, struggle to wear a mask which they find to be attractive to others. We believe there’s no need to act like that because you will charm a few times more people by being just yourself.

relationships after divorce6. Prepare for challenges

Sometimes, you have to come out of your comfort zone to improve your life. If you wanna get back to the dating scene again, manage to open your mind to different people with different tastes and characters. Besides, you will likely have to follow the latest trends of modern dating i.e. searching for a new partner on online dating sites or via dating apps that can provide you with an abundance of potential matches and even ideas of how to diversify your love life.

7. Ask your dear ones for advice

Your friends and family members will definitely be excited about helping you resolve your inner conflicts. They love you and know what you’re worth so try not to move away from them. Furthermore, we totally recommend you asking their opinion about your future dating life – what you should keep an eye on and what you’d better avoid on your path. Undoubtedly, they won’t refuse to help. Let your precious people act as your onlookers and advisors.

8. Be gradual

Dating isn’t the area where you should rush things. If you search for a serious relationship, it’s gonna take some time to find a compatible, sincere, and loyal candidate. And, of course, no stable relationship can be built within a few months. You must get to know each other well enough prior to claiming there’s sort of a special connection between the two of you.

9. Take it easy

Be ready that things may not run the course you would expect them to do. We can’t promise you will instantly meet an ideal date and establish an ideal relationship. It’s our life and it may bring us anything. So don’t focus on your dating life only. Make new acquaintances, enrich your inner world, grow personally, and achieve professional successes. In fact, we’d advise you to live here and now. Keep everything simple, and your routine issues will never oppress you!

5 Dating after Divorce Rules

Right now, you’re probably more likely to handle a 007-style mission than a date after a divorce because, over the years of marriage, you completely forgot where to look for a date, what to wear, and how to flirt. To make the first date after divorce happen, follow a few simple rules.

Check if you’re ready

Before you start looking for that special someone once again, ask yourself three questions to understand when to start dating after divorce:

  • Do I know who I want to find? Make up a list of personal qualities you’d like to see in your future partner. Add some that your ex didn’t have, as well as and those they possessed.
  • What do I feel for my ex? It would be nice if your answer was ‘nothing’ or ‘indifference’ because if it’s not, then you haven’t coped with your loss completely, and there’s a risk of transferring old problems to new a new relationship.
  • Am I OK with the perspective of dealing with the opposite sex? Check if this idea seems exciting to you because dating is a fun adventure you need the appropriate attitude for. Some men dating after divorce don’t actually feel anything good about it.

Deal with anxiety

Even a single thought about a date after divorce can be scary. Analyze your fear to understand what causes it. Perhaps the reason for your phobia is your ex-spouse, who made you think that you’re unattractive, asexual, or something else. Deal the emotional garbage left after a collapsed marriage. Because dating too soon after divorce, you may harm yourself.

dealing with divorceDevelop an achievable goal

Don’t expect your first date turning into a romance. You’ve already been through such scenario, so you have the right to try something else: a short-term fling or a small date marathon just to boost your self-esteem. Anyways, in order not to spoil the mood, don’t expect too much from this event. Consider it a communication experience, as if you were talking to a stranger on a bus, and it will much easier for you to start dating again after divorce.

Know where to look

Tell your friends that you’d like to start a new relationship. Perhaps, in their circle, there are a couple of single candidates. Ask girls out, go to corporate parties, and, of course, use the Internet. Don’t fall for stereotypes that claim that dating websites and apps are for losers. They’re much more effective than the hope that you’ll meet that special someone casually in a café. Besides, such services often have blogs telling about how to start dating after divorce. If you live in a big city, try speed dating.

Don’t let yourself be stopped

Don’t let your first date become the last one. Keep dating with different people. And even if you have warm feelings for someone, don’t limit yourself to dating this person only. Don’t cultivate premature hopes and fantasies. Convince yourself that you’re enjoying the process. And, of course, don’t let anyone - children, parents, or ex-spouse – dissuade you from looking for personal happiness. Stay positive, meet new people, learn new dating after divorce tips, and you’ll be fine.

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