How to Deal with the Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship


The invisible thread between two loving people is the basis for building and developing a harmonious relationship. Psychologists often hear from people in partnerships that they trust each other completely, can tell the most intimate secrets, feel each other from a distance and can communicate almost on a telepathic level. But with deeper and longer work with these people, it becomes clear that it is difficult for them to talk about different moments of life with loved ones, and it is embarrassing to show this.

So, they discuss only everyday things. Hence, it appears that it is much easier to enter into a love affair with someone than to fill relationships with real trust and pure emotions. Why does it happen? Why does everyone want to feel close and loved, but few actually manage to bring it to life? And how important is physical intimacy in a relationship?

how important is physical intimacy in a relationship

What Is Intimacy in a Relationship?

Pleasant emotions in a couple have great value. It is always a risk to be without masks and defenses, facing vulnerability, loneliness, and rejection. It is like a dance of two partners, two personalities. There are no boundaries of I and you. It means that I love you, but today I want to read a book, and I don’t feel guilty about leaving you alone. When you want to support a partner, but now he/she is annoying, and you don’t ask a lot of unnecessary questions. It is always a two-way process. How important is intimacy in a relationship? Actually, it is really needed. And your relationship means nothing without it. You’re just dating, spend time together, maybe have sex, but you don’t really feel closeness between each other. And if everything is right, then you will feel the following:

You sincerely admire each other. And you don’t miss the chance to say this to your loved one. When people know that they value each other not only for looks and loud manifestations of feelings, but also for care, affection, and tenderness, this allows them to stop worrying that one day their relationships will fail because of some small things. Such words, full of sincere admiration, are one of the most intimate and important things in love, which speaks of the close connection.

You care about each other during illness. “To be together through sickness and in health” – isn’t this a conscious decision to be together forever? No person wants a loved one to run away from him/her as soon as any symptoms of the disease appear. But you are nearby, support and care during even a banal cold. This is a manifestation of love. To be honest, each of us is very vulnerable when physical health deteriorates. And at this very moment, it is more important than ever to realize that the one who doesn’t give up is next to us.

You look into each other’s eyes. How to understand that people lie? They try to avoid eye contact. And if people can look at each other for a long time without a drop of embarrassment, this can only mean that these people love each other and fully trust.

You like a family of a loved one. It is one thing to be with a beautiful woman or handsome man, and it is quite another thing to take into account the whole family of a loved one. If you accept the family of your loved one with interest and attention, then you can learn a lot of new and important information. After all, the family is the first relationship where people manifest their qualities and character. The way people treat their parents, brothers, and sisters, talks about what kind of parents and spouses they will be.

You don’t try to fill the silence with empty talk. If you are comfortable together even being silent, and you allow each other to think about your own, then you will be fine together. A really close relationship is when there is no need to start talking about the weather at the moment of silence. So, is intimacy important in a relationship? Yes, it is of great importance!

Can a Relationship Survive Without Intimacy?

building intimacy in a relationshipIt is hard to imagine a relationship without intimacy. It is this component that helps you two stay together. People, who are able to build a close connection, enjoy the feeling of newness with a regular partner every day. Those who have not learned this skill catch themselves on the fact that their relationship becomes routine. Emotional connection is a psychological skill that can be learned. It also concerns intimacy in a new relationship. If there is no psychological trauma or neurosis, then building emotional closeness in a couple is a matter of training and subsequent effort. Relationships become boring when three rules of building emotional connection are violated:

  • First, having no intimacy in a relationship, partners don’t care about opening up to each other. This means that problems are hushed up, and needs are not discussed. Communication becomes poor and partners come down to the discussion of domestic topics.
  • Secondly, partners don’t learn to be sensitive to each other’s needs. That is, they dismiss each other’s emotional needs or don’t attach importance to them. Of course, this leads to mutual insults because partners are gradually moving away from each other.
  • Thirdly, the speed of their personal development begins to differ greatly. When one of the partners works on themselves, learns and develops, and the second one doesn’t, then they become bored with each other. As a result, they break up.

Enemies of Emotional Connection

  • Quarrels, offenses, aggressive attacks in the direction/from a partner.
  • The desire to avoid something new.
  • False consent in order to avoid conflicts.
  • Perception of the other by the continuation of oneself.
  • It is hard to defend personal boundaries.
  • Attributing one’s own thoughts and feelings to another (as a rule, we categorically reject them in ourselves).
  • There is no desire to have sex. A relationship without physical intimacy doesn’t last long.
  • Fear of risk and non-judgmental acceptance of other people’s attitudes and thoughts.
  • Avoidance of direct interaction and discussion of unpleasant topics.

Effects of Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship

Among couples who have long been together, there is often a fading of feelings and emotions. However, this doesn’t mean that love has really passed away. For example, in marriage, there are other laws, and the strongest couples are kept precisely on the pure emotions and trust of spouses. How to determine that something is wrong between you two? What are the results of lack of intimacy in a relationship?

Forgetfulness about what you tell. The person who loves you remembers even the little things that concern you. So, if you told a chosen one about an allergy to seafood in the evening, and at lunch, he or she asks you to go out to a fish restaurant, don’t attribute this to annoying misunderstandings. Most likely, you have lost intimacy and don’t want to hear each other.

Criticism for any reason. Why do partners still appreciate you if they constantly question your appearance or behavior? What makes them communicate with you if they are constantly dissatisfied without any reason? Think about it.

Insults and accusations. People take care of their loved ones, afraid to hurt them and their feelings. And when there is no intimacy in a relationship, insults and accusations are permanent.

Talks about exes. A partner talks about ex-lovers, no matter in what context. A truly self-respecting people will never talk about the details of their ended affairs.

Lies. In the absence of trust between partners, is it possible to talk about some future? Your love nest should be the place where you can come for advice and support. If there are omissions, lies, third parties, and so on, it is likely that you will part very soon. Remember that you are the closest people to each other. You have to be honest and open.

relationship without physical intimacyNo desire to spend time together. You tried to spend as much time together as possible earlier, but now the opposite is observed. There is no need to visit interesting places together, go for walks, and sometimes even organize joint watching of films. Increasingly, a man or woman may stay at work without a strong desire to get home as soon as possible. It means that something goes wrong. From the side, it looks as if two strangers live together under the same roof, doing their own business and absolutely not showing interest in each other’s lives.

Unwillingness to help and support. It often happens that the lack of emotional closeness is disguised as a banal reluctance to help another. In the case, when this important component of happy family life is missing, and there is a loss of intimacy in a relationship, people don’t have the desire to help. They just have an understanding that they must do it.

How to Bring Intimacy Back into a Relationship

Talk to each other. There is something extraordinarily magical in conversations whispering in bed. Lying together under the blanket already implies an emotional connection. If you don’t have important matters planned for the evening, spend time with your loved one in bed, even just talking.

Make compliments. It is easy to criticize the other and complain about a soulmate, but too much negativity will destroy any couple, even the strongest one. Studies show that you need 7 compliments to neutralize just one negative comment. So, start restoring balance.

Power of touch. Mutual understanding in a couple is not only in conversations. A hug at the end of a hard day or a soothing handshake means a lot. Building intimacy in a relationship, you should make the touch an obligatory ritual.

Don’t forget about kisses. Research confirms that couples who kiss every day have a much better chance of living a happy and long life together. In a sense, a kiss is much more intimate than sex.

Take a break from everyday worries. Even the strongest couples can become inert if they don’t look for new ways to comprehend and enjoy each other. The fastest way is to take a break from the daily routine. Visit another country and learn a new culture. Who knows, maybe you will get to know each other again.

Surprise each other. According to research, different stages of physical intimacy in a relationship are full of excitement, and it lasts 18 months. But you shouldn’t stop. Continue to surprise your loved one.

Laugh together. Everyone knows that laughter is the best medicine, and it works also in love. When we laugh, our body produces endorphins, including serotonin, a natural antidepressant, thanks to which we feel happiness and joy.

Sort things out. The lack of closeness between loving people can often be a sign of intimacy problems in a relationship. If you feel anger or resentment towards your loved one, you first need to resolve the situation – ignoring your feelings, you will only destroy a couple in the future.

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