Benching in Dating: Is It the Same As Ghosting?

Many men know this behavior of women: you have been dating for a while, you have good relations, and it all looks like love. And then she says something like: “I’m not ready for a serious relationship, let’s stay friends,” or “Let’s take a break,” or she simply disappears. At the same time, she can stay in touch, asks in messengers about how you are doing, but she doesn’t appear at your doorstep.

What is benching in dating? If you communicate with many single females online, start a relationship with one of them, but she doesn’t want to develop it, doesn’t let you get closer, she is most likely benching you. At any moment, when a more interesting “player” enters her field of vision, she will simply say goodbye to you or she will pause the relationship. In most cases, a happy continuation of such a relationship doesn’t follow. But it also happens that the partner doesn’t find someone more interesting, and the couple still moves to a new level. So that you don’t indulge yourself with false hopes for an ideal outcome, we want to say: remember that such people are constantly looking for someone better! So, you need to think twice whether you need it at all.


What is benching in relationships?

Benching dating is when a woman takes an interest in a potential boyfriend but leaves him on the bench. Such relationships don’t develop, but they don’t stop either. It looks like “orbiting” or “ghosting”, but the woman comes back periodically. And it all starts over again: a romantic date night, sex, and relationships. She says that she has rethought everything and that there is no one more important than you in her life. Then she can disappear again. And this can last for years.

In moments of separation, the man tries to fix his broken heart, looks for support from his friends, and wants to find an answer to the questions: “What’s going on? Does the relationship have a perspective? Does she need me?” And the answer is simple: the man is simply kept on the “bench”. But he just can’t give up the thought that he can meet someone better: prettier, smarter, more successful, educated, funnier, sexier, and so on, the list is endless.

So, what’s benching in dating? Now you know what it is. Simply put, if someone better than you appears in a woman’s field of vision, she will say goodbye to you.

Main signs of benching

But how to tell that you are a victim of a benching relationship? This is not always easy to understand. And you may need a lot of time for it. Here are some basic signs that can help you recognize this toxic relationship trend.

1. They disappear and appear suddenly

What is benched meaning? Look, after your next date, she suddenly disappears. The woman doesn’t answer your calls and messages. If she still answers, she says something indistinct, referring to a busy schedule. Then, as if nothing had happened, she appears, not particularly explaining the reasons for what is happening since she doesn’t consider it necessary to talk about it. Her explanations are quite abstract.

2. Uncertainty in dating

Meetings happen when the woman wants it. For example, having agreed on a date, she may cancel it for no apparent reason, or she just doesn’t come. Or, on the contrary, she suddenly appears and asks you to go to a concert, and she already has two tickets. These tickets were most likely not bought for you, just her another man changed plans, after which she decided to invite you.

3. She doesn’t introduce you to friends

The woman understands that she is dating several men at the same time, and there is a high probability that her friends will get her wrong or will joke at you and her other men. The situation will be strange and nervous. She will have to get out of it, laugh it off, so it’s easier for the woman not to introduce you to anyone at all.

4. Initiative on your part

What does benching a girl mean? Well, in this case, she is much more interested in dating and chatting with you. But if the woman is benching you, then it is you who show care, call, write messages, say warm words about how you miss her, but she shows more closed and passive behavior. The initiative on her part is quite rare. If the girl was interested in you, would she behave like this? No, of course, she would take the initiative too.benching dating

5. You feel uncomfortable

Do you remember the benching dating term? Look, you feel okay when you’re together. But after the meeting, doubts begin to overcome you. Our feelings are a good indicator that something is wrong. You may not yet understand but your subconscious mind is signaling danger. You may feel frustrated and anxious. And this is a bad sign.

6. She’s cold to you

If the woman doesn’t care for you, doesn’t try to support you in difficult times, is not interested in your affairs, then this is 100% temporary relationship. A woman is a mother by nature. While she doesn’t have a child, she directs all her qualities to her loved one. If she loves you, then she will know absolutely everything about you, support, and even cure you if you are sick.

7. She has many secrets from you

Where does she spend time, who writes and calls her? The girl hides her phone when you are together or turns it off. She has 1000 secrets. It is not clear why she disappears and what she does. She deliberately maintains an aura of mystery to hide something. She is likely dating another guy or looking for someone.

Benching and ghosting: the main differences

Many people confuse concepts such as benching and ghosting, but in fact, they are radically different.

1. Ghosting is a complete ignorance

When you are ghosted, it looks like this: the girl suddenly stops communicating without explaining anything to you. She disappears like a ghost. She ignores any attempts to talk and find out the reasons. Messages in WhatsApp can be marked as read but there will be no response even if you met and everything seemed to be fine.

2. Benching is empty promises

If the woman promises you that you will be together sooner or later but doesn’t take any steps to do it, then this is benching. She just keeps you on the bench: perhaps someday you will be useful to her. One of the questions you should ask yourself is: “If a woman is interested in me, why doesn’t she initiate a meeting or keep promises?”

3. Those who ghost get pleasure from what they do

It should be understood that those who ghost get pleasure from what causes their victim discomfort with their silence. When they receive new messages, they, most likely smile, and become convinced of their irresistibility. Ghosting is also used by people who are completely indifferent to the interlocutor and don’t want to spend energy on explaining the reasons for a breakup.

How to cope with benching in relationships

It’s terrible to realize that the woman doesn’t give you all her attention. Moreover, you feel that she continues to look around although you think you are a couple. How can this be dealt with?

1. Don’t be friends

If the girl doesn’t choose you or is dating another guy, but she kind of gives you hints that everything can start between you at any moment, and she is not going to leave you, then she is trying to make you her friend. The first thing to do in such a situation is to end your friendship with her. This is just not what you need. If the girl rejects you, chooses someone else, and is not going to be with you, then you will become her “Plan B” when the relationship with the other guy starts breaking down.

2. Talk to her

Try to talk to her directly. Real benchers don’t like frank communication. They rarely share the details of their lives. And of course, they are afraid of an honest conversation. Try to understand how she sees your future relationship and what place you occupy in her life. Find out why she hasn’t called you for a long time. You have the right to know the truth.

3. Respect yourself

Self-respect means that you will not tolerate mistreatment and are not ready to wait for reciprocity as long as necessary. Remember that you are a prime example of how others should treat you. You must appreciate yourself. If you like a girl, but she doesn’t want to be with you, then she shouldn’t take your time and attention, no matter what feelings you have for her. The girl shouldn’t feel that you are ready to sacrifice yourself for her. She already has a boyfriend for this. And you can do this only if she becomes your girlfriend.

4. Stop communication with her and don’t be afraid of it

benching relationshipIf you ask the girl to be together as a couple and she refuses and even starts a relationship with another guy, just forget about her. This is how benching in dating looks like. Don’t be afraid to do this as the girl has already made her decision. If you don’t leave, then the girl will just start using you. If women leave you, don’t catch up. If you are rejected, don’t return. If you are not loved, don’t try to earn love.

5. Go further

You can spend your future to be a woman’s “plan B.” But this will still lead to loneliness, in which you will simply be disappointed with girlish behavior. In order not to waste time with the girl who will never be yours, it is better to live on. Look for a new girlfriend who will interest you. Continue to live the way it was before meeting the girl who rejected you. Soon you will meet your love who wants to be with you and not with another guy.

6. Add her to the blacklist

The easiest way to get rid of such a woman is to add her to the blacklist. All social networks allow you to block messages from people with whom you don’t want to communicate. You can block her phone number and never remember her. Step away from the person and take care of yourself or other relationships. Regardless of what you decide to do in such a situation, it is important not to invest in someone who is not interested in you.

7. Stop it

You deserve more. Don’t let the situation be the last thing you think about. You will “drain” yourself so that you can no longer replenish this energy. Deep down, you know this is wrong, so just take action. Such people don’t deserve you. You’ll be happier if you realize that being someone’s plan B isn’t great. Maintain balance in life. When you have work, friends, family, self-improvement in your life, this is the best guarantee that you will not allow toxic relationships. If the balance is out of order, you risk becoming obsessed with a potential girlfriend. If the girl doesn’t want to build a relationship with you and chooses someone else, then leave. You don’t need to create a triangle in which you will be an extra corner. Believe us, the girl will never be yours if she is not interested in you enough.

So, what does benching mean? Now you know everything about it. If you do become a victim of benchmarking, don’t be afraid to be the first to get out of this relationship. The main thing here is to understand that there is no relationship, and you are next to the woman as long as you are allowed to!

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