Dating a Player: How to Handle It

Do you feel that your relationship resembles a theater in which you are a puppet, and he is a puppeteer? His flirting signs are so vital that you cannot resist his confidence? Does he control your "game," and the script gets tougher with each act? Then there is only one conclusion: your partner is a player, a cold manipulator for whom your relationship is just another challenge.

Sex and tantrums are said to be the main tools for women to gain control over men. But do not discount men: they are no less capable of manipulations. They may not do it so openly, but how skillfully they replace your desires with their own. It is unlikely that you will find happiness with such a partner, but becoming addicted is easy. Players meet single girls to break their hearts and collect love stories like awards. You do not want to build a serious relationship with them, and below, we explain why.

how to spot a player online dating

Player in relationships: what kind of person is this?

The player in relationships can be recognized literally at the first meeting by two criteria:

  • He has only his own opinion, and any other one is the wrong point of view.
  • Your desires for him do not exist. They often present themselves effectively, courting, and promising a "star from the sky." Their self-esteem is below zero. Therefore, the main task is to show their superiority/success/solvency through manipulative behavior and make women fall crazy in love with them.

What is a player in dating? This type of man collects women, and their weaknesses allow him to feel his strength and power. Such men have a broken ego, and at the expense of these "little" girls, they cure their wounds. More often than not, players have grudges against the whole world.

What does the player mean in a relationship? There are several types of them:

  • a partner/husband, who has been managing his wife as he wants for many years;
  • a pick-up artist who uses manipulation for fun;
  • a mama's son is increasing his self-esteem.

All three types can resort to one (or more) of the five most common manipulation methods taken into detailed consideration below.

Which women are subject to manipulation? Players seek for women who cannot say "no," continually looking for new shortcomings in themselves, do not have an exact position in life, a formed inner core, and do not even understand what they need from relationships at all. The risk group also includes those women for whom the word "loneliness" causes fear — they doubt themselves and lack decisiveness. They can make expensive gifts to a man so that in the end, if they are fortunate, they will hear the long-awaited "you are great" in response. A player will take his benefits and leave as soon as the emotional or material resources (in the form of accommodation, money, gifts, or help) get exhausted.

what does player mean in a relationshipSuch women themselves are looking for a payer-man. The reason is that they just got used to being under someone's control: similarly to children, they were manipulated by parents, teachers, and other influential adults. Players are handsome and popular with the fair sex. By dating a player, they also increase their self-esteem collecting tempting glances of other women as the couple appears in public.

As a result, these women even decide what they want. A player gets bored with them and leaves when he stops receiving new exciting emotions from a woman. A player's definition in a relationship means a man who plays with the female emotions and always wears a mask. He leads several lives simultaneously, flirting with different women simultaneously, and is a player in his life. These men get so carried away with the role they play that they may forget their real selves. The playing behavior also turns their victim's psyche upside down. A manipulative man does everything so that his partners do not even think about their desires and forget about their needs. Women burden themselves with the question: "What did I do wrong this time?" Meantime, the player seeks another victim to switch his attention.

Early signs of a player in dating

The most useful advice you can get from the site is, "don't date a player." However, being skillful manipulators, players do not immediately give themselves out at the start of a relationship. You will need some time for the red flags to show. Here are five popular manipulation techniques that a player will use:


A player often draws attention to shortcomings and compares his partner with others. As a result, a woman acquires new insecurities, lowered self-esteem, and she sees the future only with this man because he accepts her with such baggage of these "shortcomings."

The threat of conflict

A woman knows in advance that if she does not act as her partner demands, a storm of negativity awaits her. It is impossible to stop it, but it is easy to prevent it by doing, "as he said."

"Persuade me" mode

The man pretends that he does not want anything. The woman is tormented by questions about why this is so. This method's primary goal is to make her worry and not allow her to relax, even for a second. As a result, an endless game of "win his attention" starts. At the same time, the main goal of the game is the reward is a spark in his eyes. If you're lucky, you can hear something like, "Sorry, I was not listening to you. Did you say something? "

Abrupt mood swings

Here he is gentle and caring, a second passes, and he is the complete opposite. Such mood swings cause conflicts because the player will blame his partner for the emotional roller coaster. He will accuse a woman of misbehaving or taking everything too seriously. How to spot a player online dating? These men are amusing and intelligent but skip the romantic part and plunge into vulgar conversations pretty much. If you reject them or refuse to send nudes, they will disappear, or their mood will be spoiled.

"On a leash" technique

If you have been asking yourself, "am I dating a player?" try following the regularity of his attempts to contact you. He's gone for a long time. Then he falls on you like snow on your head. All this surprise is accompanied by his standard "hello, how are you." And then, nothing happens again. One day he will stay silent without texting even the standard greeting. In this case, a man takes a very comfortable position: he does not allow an emotional connection with a woman. Still, he simultaneously creates the appearance that he is interested in her. There are two options: either the woman does not want to understand or does not understand that there is no perspective in such a relationship. While he is not texting her, she may be talking to dozens of other girls that he will ignore the same way later on.

How not to be a victim of a player on a dating scene

Because players are genius manipulators, you cannot spot them right away. Here are tips to help you detect a player in a relationship and protect your psyche from his destructive behavior:

Do not take him seriously

Similarly, like the one-day man who does not hold to a woman. He tries in every possible way to violate the girl's boundaries. You will notice that he will call you "kitty," "beloved," "beautiful lady" just after the first date. A player will call a woman anything, just not by her name. He may not remember it because he got lost in the sea of other girls. Your way out of the situation is to show him that these frivolous nicknames do not appeal to you.

Fight fire with fire

There is a generally accepted close distance of 45-50 cm, which is not recommended to be crossed on the first date. But the rules are nonexistent for a womanizer. He tries in every possible way to maintain tactile contact: take the lady by the hand, touch her hair, shoulders, neck, hips. He wants to drag her into bed that same evening and does not mainly hide his desires. And many women like this direct, "masculine" approach. Please take advantage of it and use a womanizer for a one-night stand.

player in relationshipsInsist on going to his home

Even under the threat of being shot, he will not tell the girl his home address. A district or a street at most, and you cannot be sure that they are correct. Meetings take place in rented apartments in hotels, but not in their own house. The womanizer loves and protects his personal space.

Listen to his communication style

He will easily find a compliment for your girlfriend, mom (if you show him a photo), and a waitress passing by. Moreover, the phrases are frankly blank, but for some reason, they work. "You are a goddess," "You are like a blossoming bud," "The scent of your perfume awakens desire." Do not get fooled by this praise.

Set your rules

He loves to choose what time to meet when to call you where to go after a date. He can even advise on what dress to wear. It's common for a player to make several dates on one day and wait for what fish to bite the bait. And you, with your energy and perseverance, can break his plans.

Protect your boundaries

In a conversation, he touches upon the most challenging topics: relationships, ex-boyfriends, sexual preferences, etc. He is not interested in hearing about your beloved dog or successful shopping. Please do not allow him to hurt you or get too many personal details from you. Beware that he may use alcohol to make you more talkative and less independent.

How to date a player if you took the challenge

Work on your self-esteem. When a woman is confident and satisfied with herself, the manipulator's interest in her immediately fades away. She can cope without his handouts because she knows her value. To do this, you need to work on yourself and your problems. Find the root of all evil instead of seeking ways to get a player to commit to a relationship.

Don't give in. You must be clear about your boundaries. Know what you want to. Be strong. Does he put pressure or humiliate you? How to date a player? Just show that there is only one player in this manipulation — and that is himself. And you are not going to participate in his games.

Don't make excuses. Manipulators most often make a woman feel guilty, pity for herself, and ashamed of her desires and thoughts. But in reality, these "strong," "self-sufficient," men turn out to be the most insecure and broken. It would help if you remembered this and, in no case, waste your emotions, energy, and strength on endless bickering and explanations.

Reduce your fears to zero. Give up the fear of being left alone and the depressing question: "Who needs me at all?" What you broadcast into the universe reflects on you. Remember that the purpose of your life is not to fight with men and with yourself. Playing with somebody's emotions is not a story about a happy life and love. Your task is to enjoy life, to be happy, and self-sufficient.

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