10 Tips on How to Get Over Commitment Issues


We do believe that when we find the person whom we consider to be our perfect match we are going to build a strong relationship and never face a breakup. Quite a casual idea of the romantic relationship, and it's quite natural that we fear to end up in a breakup. But we forget that building a relationship is not as easy as it seems to be. While you consider the possibility to split up to be your greatest fear, you absolutely forget about commitment problems that may prevent you from having romantic relationships per se.

Relationships and Commitment: How It Works?

Before we start talking about what commitment issues are, we must figure out what the commitment is and how it works in the relationship. We are living in the age of social media and a lot of people consider that commitment is posting thousands of pictures where you are together. You may do that, you may not do that – it really has nothing to do with commitment. The actual signs of commitment include you enjoy spending a lot of time together, traveling together, as well as being honest with each other, and planning future together. That's basically how commitment works.

Levels of Commitment in Relationships

Of course, there are different levels of commitment. Not all people are committed to each other equally, but to cut a long story short, let's concentrate on the four levels of commitment in a healthy relationship. So, let's check them out without further ado.

1. Emotional Monogamy

That's the basic level of commitment that usually occurs at the first stages of your relationship. You are getting to know each other and you are open to each other. As a result, you start relying on each other emotionally, which helps you develop your relationship further.

2. Eagerness to Work Together on Your Relationship

After you've got to know each other quite well, you can figure out whether you are ready to give your romance a try. You are steady partners, and knowing that you are irritated by certain moments in each other, you work together in order to find the best ways out. You start thinking about the we-concept more than concentrating on individual preferences.

3. You Are Ready to Get Married

You know each other well, and both of you think that you are ready to spend the rest of your lives together. You think about the possibility of creating a family together. The most important part is that you realize, but are not afraid of the challenges that marriage might bring.

4. You Are Ready to Spend the Rest of Your Lives Together

Being ready to get married means that you believe that you are ready to spend the rest of your lives together. However, you need to reach the highest level of commitment in order to be ready to stay together whatever it takes. The life is long, and it has its ups and downs, and you need to be really committed to each other in order to go through the good and bad times together.

Relationships Without Commitment

You know that commitment-free relationships are quite popular nowadays, but there is no need to blame trends or genders for it. We got used to men with commitment issues, but there are a lot of non-committal women. Some prefer casual relationships over committed ones just because they don't feel that they are ready to jump onto something serious. That's what you can call something that's in vogue now. You can even blame modern independence standards and women empowerment for non-committal relationship. Yes, nowadays a lot of people feel reluctant and unmotivated to commit. We spend more time on dating and figuring out whether we want to be with that person or not. But, the vast majority of people who practice casual relationships are having commitment issues. Some are in constant pursuit of someone better, while others feel vulnerable after getting hurt in their past romances. Some feel trapped in a committed relationship, while others saw their parents going through a painful divorce and are afraid of having the same experience.

How to Overcome Fear of Commitment?

Suffering from the commitment phobia is not that easy. It's not just running away from commitment. You may be longing for staying with your partner, but you would run away because you are afraid of commitment. Living with this kind of phobia is a disaster and you may end up becoming a hermit. So, can a person overcome fear of commitment? In order to help you, we've collected ten tips on how to overcome commitment phobia. Of course, you can pay a visit to your shrink, who would provide you with professional help, but you can save a lot of money if you, at least, try to solve this problem on your own. So, let's check out our tips on how to get over commitment issues.

1. Determine Your Fear

If you wonder how to overcome fear of commitment in relationships, you need to figure out what is your fear and where it comes from. Ask yourself what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of ending up in a breakup? Maybe you saw your parents going through a painful divorce, and you are afraid that you would have the same experience. There is no point in figuring out how to get over commitment issues if you don't know the reason behind them. Determine your fear, and you would find the way how to overcome your commitment issues.

2. Take a Risk

No matter how afraid you are, you need to take a risk. Take chances on your romance. You definitely can talk it over with your partner. Relationships are like lottery. A lot of people are afraid of lotteries because they are afraid of losing their money. But you can't lose a penny without buying a ticket. So, you need to take risk. All you need is to concentrate on participating and trying yourself in a committed relationship, rather than winning in it. And you definitely need to ditch the idea of losing in it. Of course, you can wait until all your doubts and fears would go away, but that may take forever. Moreover, you can't get rid of your doubts and fears without letting someone in your life who would show you that your relationships' paranoia is worthless.

3. Try Living Today

The main reason why we have the fear of commitment is that we’re afraid that it would all come to pieces. You had a bad experience in the past, and now you allow the past to dictate the future. If you think that way, you are foreshadowing it, thus making the breakup inevitable. There is no sense in setting your mind on the disasters that may follow. Try living today. Try living the moment, without letting you thoughts of the gloomy future in. That's how to get over commitment issues.

4. Figure Out Your Phobia's Influence

Now think thoroughly… was it your own past romantic experience or was it your parents' divorce? If it is your past relationship, you need to understand that time has passed and you've changed. Your partner now is not your partner whom you had in the past. Thus there is no reason to think that you will have the same outcome as in the past. Things are even simpler when it comes to your parents' divorce. You are not your parents. Yes, sure your parents have certain influence on you, but that doesn't mean that you should follow the same path of misfires that they did.

what are commitment issues5. Try Meditating

Whenever you feel that you are about to ruin your chance on the perfect relationship by avoiding intimacy or discussing future with your partner, try meditating. You are running away in order to calm yourself down, but there are other ways. We advise you to meditate, but you can do many other things in order to calm yourself. Try new hobbies or whatever. Try whatever it takes you to calm down, except for running away from your possibilities of having a perfect romance.

6. Don't Put Yourself Under Pressure

Now, let's think what causes your panic in a committed relationship? Most likely it's the word “forever”. Whenever you hear this word, you get the feeling that you are trapped. As a result, you panic and run away. Just avoid thinking about forever. You can establish your relationship if you rely on now, rather than on unknown future. It would help you overcome your fear of commitment.

7. What if…

Another way of bearing your desire to run away is thinking about what will happen if things would go right this time. What if you are able to spend your life with your partner? What if running away will turn out to be a mistake? What if allowing your fear to control your life is nonsense? Start asking yourself those questions and it may help you overcome your commitment phobia.

8. Avoid Overthinking

Well, that may seem quite contradictory to the previous point, but no. Your fear generally comes from overthinking. Instead of thinking about the consequences of making this or that decision, you should act. You won't go any further in your life if you neglect yourself because of fear. So, just do it, instead of overthinking it.

9. Be Realistic About Your Expectations

Looking for a perfect match is also one of the main reasons behind the fear of commitment. What if you would find someone better? You need to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. People work on their relationship in order to make it comfortable for both of the partners. So, you must be realistic about your expectations, otherwise the love of your life may just pass you by unnoticed.

10. Tell Your Partner About Your Fears

The most important thing in overcoming your fear of commitment is letting your partner know about it. Yes, you may not want to talk about it, but it's inevitable if you really want to make your relationship work. Letting your partner know about your fears gives you the possibility to save your prospective relationship. Moreover, now you are not alone in your stand with your commitment phobia.

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