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Imagine: your best friend is dating a girl, but everything is getting worse and worse. Eventually, they break up. You have been paying attention to this woman for a long time, and she seems really cool for you, and you start thinking about her more and more. You start communicating with her, and it turns out that you have a lot in common. What is more, it seems as if she likes you too. What to do in this situation?
Is It Bad to Date Your Best Friend's Ex?
First of all, there is no need to blame yourself because of your feelings. You have to understand that your feelings are absolutely natural, and it's impossible to ignore them. Sooner or later, it will be clear anyway. Secondly, you have to think of all the advantages and disadvantages of dating your friend's ex-girlfriend. Many factors influence the situation, and you have to consider each of them. Sometimes people realize that they cannot be together and split up as adults: without arguing and yelling at each other. At the same time, the relationship could be really painful and toxic, and your friend may feel still awful about all this situation. There are different types of relationships between ex-lovers, so the most important you have to do when thinking about how to date your friend's ex is to analyze their relationship.
Consider the Problem
You have to remember what kind of relationships your friend and his ex-girlfriend had. Was it serious or was it just for a couple of weeks? How long have they ended the relationship? Do they communicate now? Whose idea it was to break up? Why did they do it? Dating a friend's ex-girlfriend can be not that difficult if a lot of time has passed since they broke up. Obviously, it's not a brilliant idea to date your friend's ex right after they split up. Another thing is when it was quite a long time ago, and your friend doesn't mention her that often. Better, if he doesn't mention her at all. Perfect if he already has a new girlfriend. The more time has passed, the less painful it will be for your friend.
Also, you have to consider how long they were dating. When people have been together for a long time, they have a lot of memories of each other. Although they are not together anymore, your friend still has a T-shirt that she presented to him. People need time to calm down after the break-up no matter how close they were. And if they were together for more than 6 months, it's better to wait a little bit before starting to date his ex. It can be shocking and painful for your friend at this stage.
One more thing to pay attention to when you look for advice on dating your best friend's ex is their communication. There's a big difference when they don't communicate at all because they hate seeing each other and when they still talk to each other from time to time. What you have to realize is that you definitely will see each other sometimes, so you have to think if it is OK for your friend to meet her again. If there aren't any problems with it, that's great!
What else you have to do is to remember is whose idea it was to end up the relationship. If it was your friend who was over his ex, then everything is much easier. On the other hand, if it was his ex who decided to break up, the situation is more difficult, and you have to be more patient and careful when dating his ex.
And if both your friend and his ex decided to split up, it's better because it means both of them realize they are not created for each other.
The last thing you have to analyze is the reason for their break-up. Is it okay to date your friend's ex-girlfriend when they had problems? Maybe she was cheating on him or they had problems that they didn't want to share. It is out of necessity to find out why they broke up because it can happen to you as well. If she cheated on him, it is a bad idea to date her because you will lose both your friend and girlfriend. If it was your friend who offended her, you should be even more careful with her not to scare her.
Consequences You Might Not Like
Should you date a friend's ex when there are many risks? There might be different consequences so let's find out what can happen in the worst version of this situation.
Your friend may be against this relationship. And you can't blame him in this because it is his natural behavior. Of course, he can be offended and angry with you. Very often after the break-up, people need the support and attention of their friends. Providing you ignore this and start dating your friend's ex, your long-life friendship may be over. You have to consider what is more important for you and set the priorities. Remember that this version of the situation has a really high level of probability, and your friend has the right to be against that relationship. Maybe the reason is that he doesn't want you to date a bad person or it's just not a pleasant situation for him, but anyway it's OK when he's angry.
Your friend still loves his ex. Sometimes people break up, but someone still has strong feelings. The reasons are different: someone didn't want to end the relationship, someone just needs more time to forget, but the fact is that it is not a rare case. Providing you start dating with your friend's ex while he's not over her, you will face a lot of quandaries. To begin with, your friend can be just depressed and feel lonely as he has lost both a friend and a girlfriend. The other option is that he can start thinking of destroying your relationship and end up your friendship.
What to do if you are dating your best friend's ex, and she is asking you to stop communicating with him? Unfortunately, it also may happen because it can be unpleasant for your new girlfriend to communicate with her ex. If you started dating your friend's ex knowing that they had problems, you have already chosen between your friend and his ex-girlfriend.
One more thing that is likely to happen all the time is that it will be very embarrassing to be in one company. Most likely, people will discuss the situation, and you will notice your friends from the company talking behind your back. Or your friend will avoid meetings with you and his ex, which is also absolutely normal in this situation.
When It's OK to Date Your Friend's Ex?
Although the situation is difficult, is dating your best friend's ex wrong idea? Not always. Sometimes couples just realize that they have to meet someone else and don't suffer a lot when breaking up. Let's see when it is OK to date your friend's ex-girlfriend.
At the top of the list is the case when your friend is dating another girl. It means that he is absolutely over her, and he doesn't miss her. Time has passed, it was a mistake or they tried to build the relationship, but nothing worked. Anyway, he is happy now, and he doesn't check her Facebook profile and isn't interested in her life anymore.
You can talk to your friend, explain the situation, and he may not mind you dating his ex. Supposing you tell your friend the truth, he won't feel bad about this situation. It would be worse if he saw you somewhere or someone else told you. As long as you tell him, and he is OK about it, you can date his ex.
It was a long time ago. Providing your friend dated this girl when he was a teenager or a student, but now he is an adult, he doesn't have to care about her that much. Time passes, and he probably has already forgotten their relationship. In this case, there is no need to worry, and you can try dating this girl.
Supposing your friend and his ex still communicate, and they don't hate each other, you have chances not to lose your friend. The fact that they can talk to each other after the break-up means that you will be able to spend time in the company with both of them, and you won't have to choose between your friend and your girlfriend.
If it was your friend, who decided to end the relationship, there is a chance that he won't be against your feelings to his ex. There's a high probability that he doesn't care about her at all now, and it means it is normal for you to date this girl.
5 Signs You Probably Shouldn't Date Your Friend's Ex
Sometimes you are just not lucky enough and have to realize that it's a bad idea to start the relationship with your friend's ex-girlfriend. There are some signs you shouldn't ignore to understand that you don't have to date this girl.
1. He still thinks about her. Providing your friend still talks about his ex, tells stories about their dates and feels sad when he sees something that associates with her, it's better not to start dating this girl. Obviously, your friend is still struggling because of the break-up. He misses her all the time, and the best thing you can do is to be there for him and not to date his ex. It will just destroy him.
2. He tells everyone how bad she is. When he doesn't stop sharing awful stories about her, it means he's on the stage when it's better to avoid even mentioning her name. Your friend needs some time to keep calm and cool down a little bit.
3. The relationship between your friend and his ex was toxic. If you noticed that this girl treated your friend in a bad way, offended him or even cheated on him, it's better to avoid this person. Otherwise, dating this girl, you will harm not only your friend but yourself.
4. They broke up not so long ago. It is too early to start talking about dating your friend's ex when it was only a few days ago. Everyone needs to get used to this fact: not only your friend but his ex. Probably, she might be against the relationship at this stage. It's better to wait.
5. When it wasn't a serious relationship. If your friend didn't have serious intentions about his ex-girlfriend and, moreover, if he mentioned this while talking to you, you can try talking to your friend about this matter. Probably, he won't be against your idea to date his ex.
How to Make the Right Decision?
If you've considered all the pros and cons of dating your friend's ex, and you are still hesitating whether to date her or not, you have to talk to your friend. It is the only right thing you can do in this situation. After talking to your friend, it will become clear if it is worth trying to start something or not. There are only two options: he may be against this idea or he will tell you that he doesn't care. It is better than thinking about probabilities and different situations. At least, you will know for sure what your friend thinks about it and his attitude.
Also, you have to take into account the fact that it will definitely be embarrassing to see each other for the first time. You have to realize that it's OK, and there's nothing strange about it. Just set your priorities and decide whether it's worth your time and friendship.
Rules on How to Date a Friend's Ex
Whenever you started dating your friend's ex-girlfriend, you have to be very attentive and careful with her and your friend. It is not a common situation, so you have to pay attention to your actions and words. There are some rules when dating a friend's ex.
1. Think twice what you say. When sitting in the company with your friend or, vice versa, chilling with your new girlfriend, be attentive and don't spill the beans. There's no use of sharing the information with your friend about what you did yesterday in the evening. It may be unpleasant for your friend to hear such things. At the same time, it's better not to tell your girlfriend some funny stories about your best friend. Of course, they have split up, but regular stories about her ex can make her feel nostalgic.
2. Don't ask her to compare you. Such questions like, “Who is better in bed?” or “Who treats you better?” are absolutely unnecessary and can destroy your relationship. There's no sense in comparing your friend and you, and you have to realize that your girlfriend feels embarrassed and irritated when you ask her such questions.
3. Don't avoid your friend now. Some men are afraid that their girlfriends will come back to their ex-boyfriends if they meet often. Supposing they broke up, and your friend knows it, don't set limits. You will seem paranoid and jealous, which is absolutely odd in the relationship. Especially, when you just start it.
4. Don't make jokes about your friend or girlfriend. It may seem funny, and you don't want to offend anyone, but this situation is really complicated, so it's better not to tell jokes about this case. Who knows, maybe your friend or girlfriend may find it offensive or odd.
5. Don't tell them how to communicate now. As you start dating your friend's ex, the situation can change. The can stop communicating although they were good friends or they can start talking more despite the fact they didn't communicate. It's their decision, and you have to respect it.
What to Do If Everything Went Wrong?
There is always a possibility that your plan won't work, your friend is against the relationship or your friend's ex doesn't want to date you. That's a difficult situation, so don't be disappointed. There are many other ways to meet a woman. Many people believe that the best way to go is to meet a girl online. You might even know the couple that has got acquainted on the Internet. In any case, it's a good idea because there's no risk of losing a friend, which is important. There are special dating websites where many women register with hope and desire to find someone special so you can try it. Maybe, it's your chance to meet the love of your life.
If you still spend nights thinking, “Is it bad to date your best friend's ex?” first of all, you have to talk to him and understand his attitude. Secondly, you have to consider all the possible consequences and set your priorities. Finally, if you date your friend's ex pay attention to your words. And remember, if something goes wrong, there's always a chance to find a loyal girlfriend online. This way you will both find love and not lose your friend!
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