Living Apart Together: Why, When, and How to Practice

Sometimes life together is a bummer. Who didn’t wash the dishes? Why is the bathroom floor all soapy? Why did your partner leave socks all over the floor? These and other mysterious questions bother couples that live together on a daily basis.

That is why some dating, or even married couples, try living apart after living together. What does it mean? They don’t share common square meters of their dwelling, preferring to stay at different cribs. Does living apart together work, or does it ruin an average relationship?

What does living apart together mean exactly?

Living apart together, or LAT, is a definition that describes couples who willingly live separately for several reasons: social, financial, emotional, territorial. These couples don’t feel the need to share a territory defined as a “stable relationship.” The connection can be maintained without living on a shared property, only meeting on weekends or staying at each other’s places for a while. The connection doesn’t lose its value and worth even though socially, LAT couples are often looked down at.

If you are looking for single ladies for dating, and one of them offers you this type of connection, you must know one thing. A LAT relationship has nothing in common with polygamy or an open relationship. It has every “symptom” of a regular stable connection, but without sharing a territory.

Why do men and women choose to live separately? First of all, it saves all the spice in the relationship. It wouldn’t be too much of a riddle to state that living together puts immense pressure on your connection. Most people come from a different background, have their unique habits and perks, and sometimes, when two worlds collide, it can be hard to manage some conflicts. Only during your honeymoon period living together will feel like a dream. Again, even if you are dating after divorce, living separately after living together can fix your feelings and put a once broken relationship into a new perspective.

How often people choose LAT relationship?

People from Europe practice living together apart relationships more often than Americans. And that can be for a number of reasons. First of all, in most countries, apartments are too pricey for young couples, so many people under 30 prefer to stay with their parents to save some money. In other countries, per se, people don’t rush to step into adult life, living as bachelors and bachelorettes till their forties. It is a regular practice in Nordic countries where citizens of all ages feel comfortable in solitude, avoiding the drama that can occur while living together at all costs.

People over 40 also choose a “living apart together married” model because after many years of marriage, spending time separately can always be therapeutic for a couple. Psychologists claim that having a family doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to spend every living second together in one dwelling.

When it’s better to live apart together

“Married but living apart benefits” is a very searched result on Google. Why? Because people are genuinely interested in the possibility of living apart and having a great relationship. When is it time to pack your bags and find a separate dwelling? Let’s find out!

• When you have been here for a long run

Long-runners are couples that have been together for at least five years. While some people may freak out and say that distancing from each other is a major step back, it’s not! Those couples starting to lose a spark have to try something radical to save a wilting relationship. And what sounds better than reinventing yourself? With years, the realization of independence becomes more critical than reckless love. An autonomous relationship might be more beneficial than sleeping in one bed every night.

• When you fight regularly

For those with fiery temper, living together seems like hell every day. People with drastically different character traits and unique habits have an everyday struggle to adjust to their SO’s way of life, creating new pet peeves and fresh reasons to fight. If you quarrel on a daily basis and have a different approach to life, then living together won’t be for you.

• When you have different schedules

A different sleep or working schedule significantly ruins a relationship. For example, if you work night shifts from home or have an artistic profession, domestic bickering would be inevitable unless you’re living in a 10-story castle. Imagine waking up to pens and pots rattling at 6 AM if you are a late bird. Similarly, having lights on after midnight would irritate a partner who has to go to work in the morning.

• When you want your heart to grow fonder

People on distance cherish the relationship more if they meet once a week instead of everyday connection. The sex is good; the stories are fresher. No more everyday rumors, no more same breakfast small talk. The less you see each other, the spicier these days are, and the quicker nights pass. Is it worth it? Everyone sees for themselves. It is a huge trial and error process that fits not every couple.

Living together apart: how to make it right?

Couples living apart seem like miracle creatures who can somehow work it out. Many men can’t help but wonder: why would you make a long-distance relationship out of a potentially successful and close union? Why playing games and creating deficite? Aside from the visible disadvantages of living apart, like the lack of time spent together, there are many amazing moments about LAT. If you know how to use it right, living apart together may turn your married or dating life into a dream!

1. Plan your date time

A key to a successful LAT relationship lies in the ability to plan and spend time with quality. For example, you decide to spend a weekend together at somebody’s house. Would you lay all day in bed, eating snacks and doing nothing? This sure seems like a beautiful idea, and it could perfectly work for couples who can spend days and nights together. And since your time is limited, Netflix and chilling will destroy your only day-in in a blink of an eye. Instead of wasting time, prepare a theme for your meeting. A romantic night at home or a hot date? Pillow talks during midnight or a scary movie evening? Plan your dates accordingly so that you can boost your energy and invest time in quality pastime. Absorb positive vibes that you will be radiating with for the following week.

2. Spend time positively

Choose what you say when living apart together. If you had a text or a phone fight, don’t come to your partner’s apartment just to quarrel one day. That is the opposite of how LAT works. A LAT way of life promotes freedom and positivity. Would you spend the whole day trying to get to the core of a problem you don’t remember? The less you see each other, the more valuable this time should be for the two of you.

3. Keep changing the scene

Since you are not bound to one scenery, keep changing places, territories, and best eating spots. For example, if you met at your girlfriend’s crib this week, invite her over the next one. Most couples always make the same mistake by choosing one dwelling as the ultimate spot. Consequently, you still feel that old energy meeting at the same place over and over. Soon enough, your house will resemble a love hotel where the same lover leaves every week. Why don’t you shop for a nice gift and pay her a sudden visit?

4. Use this time and space wisely

If you choose to live separately, use your free space with maximum efficiency. Try to learn something new every week, train your skills to show off to your beloved one. Be their teacher, coach, and passionate lover. Be their friend and close relative when it comes to emotional fulfillment. Most couples that practice LAT spend the whole working week longing for each other’s touch, which definitely defeats the purpose of separate leaving. You can crave emotional and physical connection with your partner, but living apart is still a priviledge of some sort, so you want to use it wisely.

5. Have something that grounds the connection

If you still want to feel like a couple, not bang buddies or friends with benefits, have something that grounds you as a couple, be it a mutual annoying friend, taxes that you have to pay together, family business. You can live separately for years, but it’s important to realize this connection’s seriousness and not lose the plot.

6. Prioritize

If you want to meet up on certain days, you need to cancel different plans all the time, be it a friend’s night or a meeting with a boss. Couples that live together can cancel on each other all week and still meet up in the bedroom at the end of the day. You have to sacrifice some meetings each week to see your significant other, so make up a plan and follow it.

7. Tell your kids

If you are starting to live separately after having kids, try to explain to them that it is not a divorce. Do not choose for them who they will be staying at. Instead, plan your pastime as a family, still visiting parks, cafes, and family events in a bundle.

8. Share and prepare

Always have an exciting topic to discuss when you meet. Don’t go for cliché everyday rants. Instead, try to practice your charms and work your magic while being fun and inventive. LAT living is not for everyone, but it can very much work out for you and your significant other with the right approach. Try to minimize the time you spend bickering, follow a plan, have your routine, and don’t forget that you are still a functional couple. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!