Oversharing in relationships: How good or bad is it for you?

According to psychologists, oversharing can cause harm to relationships and marriage. Of course, this does not mean that you need to lie to your partner or hide the details from them. But excessive frankness ruins your personal space. It is better to cease it not to lose yourself. What are the causes and consequences of oversharing in relationships and how to avoid it? Read below.

Frankness is considered to be one of the signs of a harmonious couple. And further development of relations often depends on the ability to trust. But sometimes frankness can be extremely tricky. Someone gets it right away, such couples know the bounds of personal space and share as much as they want. And others think that trust is something to be achieved by the hard work. Oversharing in relationships can become a huge problem especially in the first stages, so today we are going to take a closer look at this phenomenon.

What is oversharing in relationships?

Generally speaking, frankness is the quality of people speaking the truth and not hiding anything from each other, being honest and straightforward. But what is the truth? How objective is your opinion, your attitude towards something?

Sometimes, when we do not know the person well, we close inside. The limits of our anxiety push each other away, which does not do any kind of good in a relationship. Despite being open and honest is extremely important, sometimes it can grow into oversharing when we no longer understand we let our partner manipulate us.

For example, when we want to look better than it is and embellish our past. Or because we are used to talking a lot about ourselves and our own troubles. We speak our mind because we seek mercy and deep inside we hope that sharing unpleasant events will make them appear less painful to us. However, when you start telling your new beloved about all your past relationships and the experience you have gained, it is better to stop and think maybe you are sharing too much. Because giving out the information you will later regret will not do good both to your self-confidence and to your partner.

Why you may overshare information

There are plenty of cases when it is necessary to share the emotions with your partner. It is great to express your love and you should do it without any shame. Talk about your hopes, your dreams, your future. About the places you would like to live or how many children you would like to have. All these issues need to be spoken out loud as honest as possible and you can require the same from your partner. Because they are the basic fundament of your relationship. However, sharing so much pleasant emotions people often forget about leaving something for themselves. This is the main answer to the question «why do I overshare information?» We get used to our partners and do not notice how we begin to tell them everything.

But what if you want to discuss a problem in your relationship? Of course, it cannot be ignored! But should every problem be solved? Teach yourself to leave something behind the bond of your personal space, you can have your own secrets and worries that you do not want to share.

Bad influence of oversharing on your relationships

The person you know everything about is like the book you have already read. Studying it is not interesting anymore. Psychologists warn that by telling your partner everything, you, probably, do a very bad thing. Extreme frankness destroys relationships faster than the lie.

The thing is, partners sometimes cannot resist but boast about the attention they get from others in front of their beloved: they start to tell about their past relationship, or mention the compliments received from the colleague at work. This is what is called oversharing in relationships. It can be either from the side of your partner when they force you to tell them everything and violate your personal space. Or from your side, when you cannot stop talking and the hurting details that slip off your tongue can make your partner feel sad or angry.

If you began to doubt the future of your relationship, or you are thinking about breaking up, do not rush to stun your partner with this news. Just imagine that after another seemingly insignificant quarrel, your partner tells you: “Sorry, I think we should get a divorce...” Of course, such strict measures are pointless, but they are one of the effects of oversharing. Some doubts about your partner should stay with yourself without being ever spoken out loud, surely you will cope with them alone. Suggestions to help you sort out this problem

Do not lose yourself

When you fall in love, it's difficult not to become "everything and everyone" for your beloved one and forget about yourself. Do not put your hobbies, your friends, your interests aside. Cherish your own feelings and do not let anybody limit your needs or make you share too much. Otherwise, after five or ten years of marriage with a man who you have abandoned your desires for, you will realize that you have not really been living the life you wanted all this time.

The value of a partner is not measured by the degree their actions correspond to your (possibly overestimated) expectations, but how much they try for you. So, next time you force your partner to give up their interests and share every minute of their life with you, remember that they do it because they love you and are too weak to refuse. Do not live illusory dreams, learn to assess yourself and your partner clearly and understand they are not supposed to give up their personal needs for you. Only then the relationship will be strong.

Limit the phone calls

If you have the habit of checking partner’s phone calls, get to know their colleagues, check their pockets and call every five minutes with the same question "How are you?" - urgently get rid of such a habit. The only reason your partner obeys the total control and has not yet run away from you – he/she loves you and doesn’t know it is not normal to share so much of your personal space with your partner.

In their heart, they hope that you will calm down and stop controlling it. Just step into their shoes. What would happen if your partner set up tracking your phone and every step you take is now being monitored? Would you approve of it? Of course, no. In this case, respect their right to have their own personal space. The desire to constantly control the partner kills the most valuable thing that exists in the relationship between two people - a sense of care and reverent attitude to each other. This feeling can only be saved when saving your personal space.

Keep your private life private for now

Not everyone can appreciate the personal space of their partner in a relationship. Self-confidence and underestimation of the importance of individual space have destroyed many wonderful couples. You, as a person that have caught yourself on oversharing, should stop letting others people into your life and think about what things would you like to remain personal. Yes, your partner is your love and your family, what can you hide from him/her? Insecurities, child traumas, bad habits that you are working on – and believe you will get over on your own – these and many others things should stay only between you and yourself or you and your therapist.

How to stop oversharing? Simply trust the partner and feel that you can rely on them. If it's your turn to wash the dishes, do it. If you have promised that you will return home at a certain time, do not be late. And if you are late, be sure to call and warn your beloved in advance. These things seem simple, but they are the details that your credibility is manifested in. So, you are the one to keep your life private and enhance your partner’s trust in you. Not only refuse from sharing everything with them, but teach them to trust you.

Each person has their own needs and desires, which are not always connected exclusively with the partner. Always discuss with your partner your personal space, the rights, and obligations each of you has. This will allow you to avoid misunderstandings and possible arguing in the future.

Respect yourself

How not to overshare information? Begin to respect your personal space. It sounds a bit strange - how can a person who begins to respect and defend their right to have personal space after he/she has already tried so hard to explain it to his/her loved one? Learn to love yourself first. All the problems in a relationship come from our inability to stand up for our interest or speak our mind, reveal our inner fears and insecurities, as this will show that we are weak and let our partner manipulate us. We calm ourselves saying that jealousy, forcing us to share every bit of our personal life, and total control are the sings we are being loved. But that is not true, and deep inside we know it.

So, always put yourself in the first place. If you were to do that, the issue of how to raise your self-love would not even be existent as such. And you would never let anybody violate your personal worlds. It is normal to have something you do not want to share and providing you respect yourself, you respect your dreams, plans and their keeping in secret. Only when you treat yourself well and create the boundaries, no one can step into without permission, because you are a mature adult that has feelings. Only then you will meet the suitable person, the one that will respect you and your personal space and will not make you overshare.

Save the heavy stuff for the future

To understand whether you can build a happy family life with a person, it's important to know if you are moving in one direction, if you imagine your future together. Talk to your partner about the most important aspects of life. About children. You may not want children or you can only want to have one child, and your partner dreams about a whole football team.

About the budget: whether it will be shared or everyone will earn only to provide for oneself. About education, work, religion, lifestyle and much more. It is very important to know about the values and plans of each other, and most importantly - to perceive them with an open heart.

An invasion of privacy is a time-bomb that can explode when you expect it the least. At the beginning of relationships, the partner does not perceive the invasion of their personal space as something wrong. The reason for this is the numerous problems that families need to resolve to start a full family life. Yet if a person does nothing about it, then afterward it can be too late. Remember that if you invade your partner's private space, even if they are silent, this does not always mean that they are all about it. Therefore, if there is something your partner would want to keep silent, give them a chance to do so.

Questions you may ask yourself before disclosing information to your partner

• Do I trust this person enough?
• Won't I suffer from some bad consequences provided that my personal struggles and worries are leaked?
• Will this person react to the information I am sharing conveniently? Will he/she cheer me up or will we start arguing?
• Is this information worth sharing or should I leave it to myself?
• Is my partner the only person that can help me now? Maybe I should ask my best friend, mom, a therapist for help?
• Am I sure I am not oversharing and all the information I am giving out is necessary?
• Why do I want to share this information? Can I solve this problem or get rid of these bad memories myself?
• Do I just want anybody to listen to me or I truly strive for my partner’s listening to my story?

Supposed you responded «no» to more than half of these questions, we would recommend you to think over whether you need to disclose the information you were going to share with your partner once again.

Frankness should come naturally, so should anything that binds two hearts in love together. Yet sometimes, behind the unnecessary bits, we do not see the most important things. Thinking that we know a person too well, we find out that we do not know our partner at all. You may know the household habits of a loved one thoroughly and may not know their dream. Because it is easier to control step by step than to trust. After all, sometimes it's easier to keep silent than to talk directly. And sometimes you need to remain silent. There are no general rules and recommendations. There is only love that must be cherished. Share as much as you trust the person and think he/she will understand.