Dating Tips: Surviving a Bad Breakup - 10 Things You Need to Know

Dating Tips: Surviving a Bad Breakup - 10 Things You Need to Know

If something can be called “hard times,” then surviving a breakup is definitely one of those things. No one is completely protected against this. A bad breakup always hurts because usually, it happens when you are not ready for it at all. To some people, it seems that a breakup is an assessment of them as people. The logic behind this fact is very simple, and sounds like, “If you break up with me, then there is something wrong with me." This, of course, is an illusion. People leave others for various reasons. A breakup by itself doesn't prove anything. This is just a fact, and it can be interpreted as you like.

Almost every person, sooner or later, faces breakups. And this happens more than once in the lives of many people. This is a very important event since it is, on the one hand, the end of something. However, more importantly, the breakup is the moment of choice and the beginning of something new. If the choice is right, then it becomes the beginning of a new, better life. It was the breakup that helped a huge number of people to become mature, loving, and happy people.

Main Mistakes That Can Make a Breakup Worse

To many people, it seems that a breakup with a loved one completely nullifies all the pleasures of the world. If now the whole world has become dark for you, and you want to hide under the blanket and stay there forever because it seems that this nightmare will never-ever end, and you start to feel that there’s nothing to live for, then you definitely should know that humans very poorly predict the duration of their emotional reactions, and tend to overestimate it. In fact, both pain and joy pass faster than we expect (though the pain goes slower). In reality, the pain of a bad breakup passes quick enough, especially if the relationship did not last very long. On average, six months is enough to fully recover (the average term is just average; for some, it lasts longer, for someone faster).

Asking too many people for advice

While looking for opinions from other people may seem like a good idea, you may forget that this is your life, and none of those whom you will ever ask for advice knows the whole story. Thus, the opinions of other people are important, but not as important as your own. You simply can’t base your behavior on other’s people opinions. Plus, very often people have different opinions about the same problems. So, eventually, you find yourself lost in doubts, or you simply choose an opinion that you like more. Why would you waste time asking someone, if you are already in doubt, and already have your own preferences? Very rarely other people can give you a bit of nice advice. This is why it is better to ask only those who have experienced a bad breakup because only they can give you advice on how to cope with a bad breakup. But, still, follow their advice with caution.

Social media stalking

When people are surviving a bad breakup, they tend to make this terrible mistake. You can call yourself a social media stalker if you spend all your free time in social networks and are literary obsessed with other people's lives. In our case, you probably are obsessed with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend’s life. You do this because you don’t know how to move on from a bad breakup, but you must know that social media stalking is the worst way to get over a bad breakup. First of all, you must ask yourself what are you looking for on your ex’s page? Are you looking for more pain there? Because this is the only thing there for you. Or maybe you believe that he or she is also unhappy and may come back to you one day? Oh, you are terribly wrong. Why on Erath you would like to resurrect an old corpse instead of looking for someone alive? Yes, your ex-relationship is an old rotten corpse. The best way of getting over a bad breakup is getting further.

Not activate "no contact" mode

Back to old corpses again, right? If your ex-partner is the reason for your bad breakup, then what do you expect from contacts with him or her? Do you really think that he or she will change and go back to you? No, this will never happen. Contacting your ex after a hard breakup will only hurt you more. Or, maybe, you were the reason for your bad breakup, and now you feel guilty? In this case, it takes just a one call to tell him or her how sorry you are that you did it. Remember, while going through a bad breakup, you should avoid any contact with your ex-partner. Your task is to fill your free time with pleasant and interesting events. Thus, you can spend time with your friends in some kind of a bar, or even meet Russian ladies online, as far as we have heard they are very hot and quite capable of making you forget about your bad breakup.

Social media rampage

No doubts that this terrible breakup cuts you to the very core, but your ex-partner definitely suffers less than you do! This is unfair! Just right now go to his or her page on some social network, and write on her wall all that you think about him or her, then copy this message to his or her friends and make sure that they all know what kind of monster your ex-partner is because this is exactly what idiots do. Are you an idiot? No? Of course, you are not going to do this, everything that happened between you two should stay between you two. Your social media rampage will only work against you. It is way better to try to meet a woman now, instead of trying to hurt your ex-partner. Even if common sense can’t stop you, then you must know that, in some cases, you may get into police for social media rampage. I don’t think that a couple of “truthful” comments worth your broken life.

10 Things You Need to Know About Surviving a Bad Breakup

According to Freud and other supporters of his concepts, the situation of a breakup with a loved one always sends us to the first experience of abandonment separation from the mother in early childhood. Circumstances could be very different. For example, mom went to work early, or you were in the hospital, and she wasn't allowed in, or perhaps your parents were too strict. The result is the same: you experience a gap in personal relationships, and a girl or boy who suffered from love deficiency in his or her childhood would think, "I guess I'm not worthy of love."

You can often hear from a person experiencing a bad breakup with a loved one that he or she feels this as death (their own, partner's or relationship). These feelings have a psychological explanation because experiencing a break often goes through the same stages as experiencing a loss. Usually, experts distinguish five stages: shock and numbness, denial and replacement, recognition and pain, acceptance and rebirth, and in the finale life after the end of the experience of grief. As a rule, people who are in the third stage of experience are turning to a psychologist. They feel severe pain and grief, which turns into anger. They are angry with themselves, with the departed partner, the injustice of the world. In the fourth stage, mental pain decreases. While we are in great pain, it is impossible to analyze the situation. But when the pain is released, it is important to remember that any, even a very difficult event can improve your life if you look at the incident from the right angle.

1. Music heals

People all around the world have been noticing the positive effects that music causes on us. Especially when we are in the most vulnerable conditions, such as a breakup. What are your favorite music tracks? Some people believe that sad music is a very nice tool that you should use when recovering from a bad breakup, but we would recommend something more active. For example, classical music, or if you are not a fan of classical instruments and lines, then pay attention to OSTs from popular action music. The rule is simple: the more active and heroic the music is, the bigger positive effect it causes on you.

2. Create something

Creativity is a great way to turn the feelings caused by your loss into something meaningful, tangible that others can see, hear, and appreciate. Don’t know how to overcome a bad breakup? Try to make something with your hands. If you don’t know what exactly, then start doing just anything. While being creative, we positively redirect our negative emotions. Our emotions are a very powerful force that can make us do something to become successful. Most of the best creations were made after some powerful emotional impact.

3. Focus on the job

If creativity is not for you, then try to immerse yourself in work, it helps a lot get distracted for a while. The principle is absolutely the same: the bigger the emotional impact is, the more energy you have to spend on your way to success. But only if you can direct it to the right place. Instead of grieving and suffering from bad anxiety after a breakup, you can focus on earning money to make your life better. Try to buy something only for yourself. Thus, you will increase your mood and motivate yourself for new accomplishments.

4. Good movies reduce pain

Rather than sitting and crying, you can start watching some interesting movies. In the first days after a breakup, it is better to avoid watching movies about love. Instead, you should focus on adventures, actions, and fantasy genres. Because usually, we identify ourselves with one, or more than one character in the movie. Thus, we experience their life on screen, as our own. This will help you distract yourself from a not very pleasant reality, even not for long. This method works especially well if you watch movies with friends or relatives.

5. Sports is always an answer

By investing your energy in physical activity, you improve your condition both on an emotional and physiological level. An hour on a treadmill or classes in an aerobics group or sports section will help activate endorphin production centers in your brain. Thus, you will begin to feel happier and more confident. In the beginning, it is nice to choose some team sports such as soccer because you may find a new friend there, and this will help you forget about your bad anxiety after a breakup.

6. Friends are there to help you

It is obvious enough that if you want to overcome a bad breakup, it is important to keep in touch with friends and try to spend more time with those who love and value you. But don’t rush immediately to look for someone else. Often, after the breakup, we desperately need someone to be around us, but honestly, in the end, it will only make us worse. It is worth experiencing the

grief of a bad breakup before you begin the search for a new partner. Otherwise, you will find a living cry pillow but not a lifetime partner.

7. Calling your ex is the best way to suffer

One of the main signs of a bad breakup is when you desperately want and need to call your ex-partner. This happens because there may be a natural desire to revive your previous losses in memory, so, often in such situations, people start calling their former partners. You should never do that. Leave the past in the past, focus on the present, and make plans for your future. Remember, it is next to impossible to resurrect your broken relationships.

8. Alcohol is the second-best way to suffer

When you pleasantly spend time with friends, after your bad breakup, it is easy to miss a moment when too much alcohol appears in your life. Of course, if you drink one or two glasses to relieve your pain, nothing bad will happen. But it is important to remember that alcohol never solves problems but only creates them. Ultimately, it contributes to depression, but you don’t want to make it any worse than now, right?

9. Change something in your life

Many people, after breaking up with a partner, change haircuts, grow beards, or change the atmosphere in the house. This allows us to somehow tangibly indicate the beginning of a new stage in life. Remember, you are not at the end but the beginning. And at the beginning, the hardest thing is to make the first step. Let those small changes become your first steps into the new life.

10. Don’t be afraid of woe

Woe is a natural part of life. We grieve, losing a loved one, saying goodbye to someone, moving to a new house, leaving the past behind. Sometimes someone appears in our life and very soon disappears from it. The most important thing is that only after fully experiencing grief, you can forever retain in yourself all the good that was, leaving the bad behind.

Do you still ask yourself, “How do I get over a bad breakup?” After getting through the main grief, you will be able to analyze the whole thing again. You should review the whole picture, listen, and take a closer look at what you are experiencing now. Gather all these new emotions together, try to separate the real experience from the imaginary objects. Don't fall into the abyss of pain and suffering because there is always a way out. You are not the only one who has faced this problem.