How Not to Be Lonely When Alone

The issue of loneliness is one that probably each of us has dealt with. Loneliness is the feeling that accompanies us in our development during the whole life. This is part of the way of finding yourself. And it leads to the fact that we begin to value relationships more.

A human is a being who was put into the world to create and interact with others. The basic idea of existential philosophy is that it is impossible to be a human without relating to the world. To be a human means to be fundamentally in the world, in connection with something or someone else. Without communication with others, it is impossible to live in a society. Why some people can stay alone but never lonely while others cannot accept loneliness? We are going to shed light on this phenomenon below.

Dealing With Loneliness – Why It Can Be So Difficult

Loneliness is perceived very painfully. We want to run away from this feeling, and we do it desperately trying to take our mind off, watching TV shows and movies, playing computer games, mobile phones, traveling, drinking alcohol, or taking a huge workload. All this helps get rid of unpleasant feelings. Because in loneliness we once again find ourselves thrown out of the society. It seems that you are alone with yourself, and no one is around to help you, as if the world stops, although life keeps going. You can have friends and crowds of loving people near you, but if nobody understands you when you feel separated, you can feel lonely when you aren't alone. Loneliness is a lack of relationships. Especially acutely this feeling can be experienced in longing for something. If you love someone, then you grieve from being separated from them. This feeling can be also compared to nostalgia when we yearn for our native places.

We can feel lonely at work if we confront some difficulties, or there are projects we cannot start doing because we don’t know how. We feel insecure about our skills if no one supports us. We don’t know how to not be lonely when alone. It is even worse if there is harassment at work.

Loneliness is a very big topic in old age too. As well as in childhood. Children who have been left alone when the parents are engaged in something else may feel helpless in their solitude. Loneliness traumatizes children because alone they are not able to develop their Self. They stop developing. There is a curvature in the development of the child if they are experiencing long moments of loneliness. Because kids do not know the difference between alone and lonely if they are left to themselves, and they treat this situation as if their parents have abandoned them for a time period. It means to them that their parents don’t care for them, which can result in psychological traumas in adulthood. Such children when they grow up are simply afraid of being left alone. They experience a constant need for love and relationships. That is why they find themselves in toxic relationships and cannot calm down. On the other hand, it’s not so bad if the child spends a couple of hours alone since they can explore the world, reflect opinions and become more independent.

In old age, loneliness is no longer a traumatic factor and does not hinder development. Old people understand the difference between alone and lonely, but it is still hard for them to put up with the thought they are no longer so needed. It can cause depression, paranoid feelings, sleep disorders, psychosomatic complaints, and pseudo-dementia. It happens that pseudo-dementia is a person’s silence from loneliness.

Lonely vs. Alone: What's the Difference?

When we talk about loneliness as a bad phenomenon, we forget about the alone vs lonely contradiction. Loneliness has also a positive side, it is about solitude. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can conduct a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can meditate, read books, do some favorite things and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not punishment but grace, however, in moderation, because we all need contacts with people and their attention to us.

We all need to be alone to a certain extent, another thing is that because of this we should not shut ourselves off from the outside world, otherwise, we will become outcasts, loners, locked in ourselves as people. And it will not do us good. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people by communication with yourself; it will not save you from loneliness. Supplement communication with people through intercourse with yourself, but don't forget that these two things are non-interchangeable. So, live a full life, look for suitable interlocutors for yourself and communicate with them.

Yet it is true that a person can be alone and not be lonely. Loneliness does not depend on the number of people around you. Loneliness is a state of mind. But what is loneliness? Is it painful or blissful? Someone strives for loneliness and cannot attain it in any way, and someone suffers from loneliness and cannot get out of it. Some say, "It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone" while others should split their grief, happiness, and thoughts between their friends and should better not stay alone for long. How to live alone and not be lonely? If you ask yourself, "When was the last time, I felt lonely? Is loneliness somehow present in my life? Is it covered by some businesslike everyday life?" All these questions the one should answer to themselves.

How to Accept Loneliness: the Social Stigma of Loneliness

It is clear that loneliness is a psychological state that we experience from time to time. Another thing is to think about loneliness as about the problem of society.

In the 20th century, the concept of loneliness was close to existentialist philosophers. Many philosophers have worried about loneliness issues since man is a first and foremost social being surrounded by other individuals, and, theoretically, we should not strive to have feelings of loneliness. Nevertheless, in real life, people often live in isolation, trying not to communicate with anyone and lead a secluded lifestyle. They have found out their own secret of how to not feel lonely when alone. But these issues have become especially popular in our post-industrial era when people are alienated from each other, and traditional family foundations and groups are crumbling.

Loneliness is the scourge of the 21st century. Every year there becomes more and more single women and mans. Fighting loneliness can and should have a place. Because if you are not simply alone but feel lonely it means this state is not comfortable for you, and you should better avoid it. Never forget that people can stay lonely being in a relationship, so the issue of loneliness is just something more about society than solitude. Even if it seems to you that nothing can be changed, you are completely unnecessary to anyone, and they do not pay attention to you, you are mistaken.

The first thing to be understood is that loneliness almost always begins in our heads. We will not consider the cases of hermits and monks. We are talking about people leading a normal life and living in society.

Things to Do to Get Rid of Loneliness

So, if you feel lonely but want to get rid of this unpleasant feeling then do the following things.

• Stop programming yourself for loneliness. Inspire yourself and repeat that you are not alone in this world. After all, the attitude towards the fact that “I am lonely” attracts disaster only more, and pushes people away.
• Pay attention to the people who are around you at the moment (parents, relatives, friends, colleagues, lovers), think about their real attitude towards you, eliminating all emotions and taking into account their personal lives and problems.
• Be sensitive and attentive to the problems and feelings of others.
• Take attention from others to yourself as a gift. Remember that in this world, no one owes nothing to anyone.
• Appreciate what you have. Appreciate your friends, your loved ones and even enemies because they help you become better.
• In a conversation with people, try to talk less about yourself. More often in conversation, say the names of the interlocutors out loud because your own name is the best sound for human ears.
• Treat people with respect, in this case, the probability of response is great.
• Give people gifts, not expecting anything in return. Learn to enjoy it.
• Love yourself, do not scold yourself for your shortcomings. Treat yourself with respect. You can always see a person who is satisfied with themselves, and such a person, of course, attracts. So, why don’t you become such a person? If it is hard, fake it, till you make it.
• Remember that loneliness is very easy to impress. But this is not worth doing. Even if you have no friends or girlfriends, or they do not pay attention to you, considering yourself lonely, you only make matters worse.

Give up loneliness, consider yourself necessary and interesting, love other people. Many people do not believe in it, but there are always ones who consider it an honor to be with you, listen to you and appreciate you. Do not take this chance from them.

How to Be Alone But Not Lonely

To treat loneliness as something positive, remember that, in order to find something new, in the beginning, it is necessary to free yourself from the old. Treat it as an opportunity to read and educate, or anything you have dreamt of.

Do not listen to your mind if it tells you that you are alone

It is lying to you. Very often we do not notice how the cunning mind spins the whirlwind of thoughts in our head. This dark clot of loneliness has hidden inside us for a long time, gradually increasing, and it comes to the point that thoughts begin to dictate our emotions and influence our state. And when the mind once again tries to tell you that you are completely alone, remember that your own mind is the biggest liar in the world.

No matter what the situation is, only you define your attitude to it

Most sufferings are caused by a wrong attitude to the world. Look at things from a positive point of view. Always develop a good attitude in any situation. If someone harms you, do not be offended by them because such people are not happy themselves, and they feel very bad in their souls. This does not mean that you should not react in any way, just choose your attitude.

As you can see, loneliness isn’t bad. First of all, you can fight it if you do not tolerate it and don’t want to put up with the feeling of being alone. And, what is more, there is a huge difference between being lonely and alone.