All the Truth: How to Deal with Ghosting in Dating

With the fast development of Internet technologies, relationships between a man and a woman have changed a lot: we estimate the degree of sympathy of a partner by likes, monitoring their digital loyalty, and cheat on a loved one just in a few clicks. In such a digital age, it is very easy to disappear from someone's life – so simple that this phenomenon even has a name. So today, we are going to talk about ghosting dating.

What Is Ghosting?

At all times, people disappeared from the lives of those who complicated their own. Moreover, they give names to everything, trying to take control of at least part of the chaos around. First of all, let's consider how to define ghosting. So, what is ghosting in dating?

What Does the Term "Ghosting" Mean?

This is rather specific, but, unfortunately, a common way of ending relationships in our time. What is ghosting while dating? The word ghosting comes from "ghost." This is a sudden disappearance of a person from the life of their loved one and complete ignorance of the calls and messages of the partner. In other words, it is a sudden break-up of a relationship without any explanation and even without indicating the fact of the break-up. Simply put, this is when communication is faced with hard ignoring.

What does ghosting someone mean? The main sign of ghosting is that both sides seem to be equally emotionally involved in the relationship and love each other. But then, one suddenly disappears, stops responding to partner’s messages and calls, suspends from social networks, and ignores their beloved one in instant messengers.

In fact, ghosting is emotional cruelty. An affected person feels powerless, they have no opportunity to ask questions and get explanations. No information would help them get over the break-up. They were deprived of the right to vote, are not allowed to express their feelings and speak their mind. However, the ability to share feelings is therapeutic in itself.

What Does It Mean When Someone "Ghosts" You?

It so happens that a relationship is just beginning, and both partners are excited in the anticipation of something wonderful. Perhaps they have already met in real life and even had sex, or maybe it's all just plans for the near future (it happens so if the relationship begins via the Internet, and people are far from each other, or if men meet girls now and they have not had a chance to meet in real life). Both partners are charged with positive emotions, strive for each other, feel very happy to be a couple, and say that they are extremely lucky. Or one of the parties expresses particular enthusiasm, makes far-reaching plans, and showers their partner with attention. But suddenly, they disappear. Just disappear from the life of their beloved without any explanation and for no apparent reason. Out of a clear blue sky. When nothing forebodes the trouble.

Have you encountered this in your life? If not, you are very lucky as this is exactly what is called ghosting.

Where Did the Dating Term Come From?

Fans of online poker know this word: ghosting is a poker fraud when instead of a player, there is a completely different person, usually, a more skillful player. But nowadays, the concept has one more meaning: it is identified as the decision to “leave the game” without explanation, and it's not about poker, but about relationships. This term began to be applied to relationships back in 2011, as reported by the Oxford Dictionary of Modern English. Western experts in the field of linguistics explain this phenomenon quite simply: nowadays, most of the relationships – both serious and open – correspond to online dating applications. It’s convenient for a person to think that it is not they who are in the network but just the clusters of pixels, and no one is responsible for their behavior.

Now, the tactics “I do not want to decide anything” has become the norm. At times, a person is not up to a constructive conversation, they just want to “turn off” the interlocutor and turn them into a silhouette from a gray noise that is no longer trying to manipulate or neglect them. A break-up of a relationship without explanation is an attempt to defend oneself from aggression, an inability of a person to overcome the fear of honest conversation, in some cases, it is the result of poor education, and almost always – a manifestation of selfishness.

How Does It Affect People?

Studies prove that in case of social rejection, the same areas of the brain are involved as with experiencing physical pain. So, the expression “it hurts” is not a metaphor. It is especially painful when you find yourself not just an inappropriate partner for a relationship with someone, but also a person who does not deserve respect for their feelings or at least information about what is happening. A ghoster has completely deleted you from their life as if you had never existed. This is a very painful experience, consisting of many unpleasant feelings, which sometimes lasts for a very long time.

Among other things, a victim of ghosting feels “suspended,” they are desperate and powerless because of the inability to somehow influence the situation. This can cause compulsive thoughts and actions.

Some experts in mental health believe that the behavior of a ghoster is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse and cruelty as it can harm the psyche of particularly sensitive people and get them down. Therefore, you should think about what kind of person you are dealing with and how such behavior on your part can affect them. It is a good tip for men who want to meet a woman now.

How to Avoid Being Ghosted in Dating

We live in an age when the Internet has brought together more people than ever. On the web, people make friends, meet new people, communicate with each other, and start romantic relationships. But not all the users of online dating services are honest, conscientious, and well-intentioned. Some people resort to ghosting and completely disappear from the lives of those who love them. Therefore, you should learn how to avoid being ghosted in dating.

Pay attention to the signs

If a person does not intend to create a strong relationship with you, you will inadvertently understand this if you learn how to call out ghosting dating and pay attention to some obvious signs of ghosting. And so, if a new acquaintance is going to ghost you, they will not be present in your life all the time. They will not write and call you regularly, at the same time, they will always find some excuses for such behavior. They may even disappear for a while and then return as if nothing had happened. Also, you should become concerned because a new acquaintance is not in a hurry to meet you in real life, even if you live in the same city. If you pay attention to how a person treats you, you will suspect that something is wrong in your communication. And if you feel that they are not the person with whom you can build a happy relationship, then so it is! Do not ignore ghosting dating signs and follow your heart.

Let the partner lead and take initiative

It happens that you do not notice how you plunge into a relationship and slightly overdo it. A new loved one is everything you think and talk about and the one with whom you want to spend every moment of your life. But you should give the person some personal space, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, do not bother them with messages every hour if they have not even answered on the "good morning" that you sent them seven hours ago. If they like communication with you, they will surely find time to answer you.

The best way to find out if your communication can develop into a serious relationship is to let your partner lead and take initiative. Allow them to show their true intentions through actions. Let them feel that they need to make some effort to win over your heart. Let them write to you first if they want to chat. Let them come to you if they want to see you. Let them ask you to go out on a romantic date. These little actions will show you the level of their interest in you and your relationship.

Don’t create a fantasy in your head

When you meet someone after a long time of loneliness, your desire to start a relationship can be very tempting. But be careful, your mind is clouded by emotions and hormones. If you have a strong bond with someone, you feel emotional closeness with them. And almost immediately, you assume that relationships with this person will develop into a strong and happy family. You may even ignore the warning signs, only to prolong such happiness. However, this is a mistake. Do not build castles in the air. Be realistic and pay attention to real facts. Observe a person for a while. In the meantime, you should not give in to their words but look at the actions. These are the best hints whether they are ready to start a serious relationship with you.

Have strong boundaries

You should have strong boundaries of what is permitted for yourself to know exactly what you can and cannot accept in communication with the opposite sex. Moreover, you should adhere to these rules both when you are looking for love on dating sites and meeting someone in real life. Do you want to meet your beloved once a week or more frequently? Explore your boundaries and apply them to find a loved one.

Don’t invest yourself too quickly

Remember, when you are just starting to date someone, you should not rush the relationship. After a few dates, when you understand that you like a person, it is very easy to get carried away by the enthusiasm and plunge into a new relationship. But you should remember that people in love need some time to get to know each other better. Therefore, do not invest yourself in a relationship too quickly. After all, if a new acquaintance turns out to be a ghoster and leaves you, you will be very sorry for the efforts spent. This is one of the best tips on how to minimize ghosting dating.

What to Do When You've Been Ghosted

Probably, each of us has faced ghosting at least once in a lifetime. But many people do not know how to deal with ghosting dating correctly, they begin to blame themselves, torment with questions, and sink into depression. However, all these can quickly harm both mental and physical health of a person. No one is safe from online dating and ghosting. Therefore, you should know what to do when you've been ghosted.

Talk about it

Ghosting is quite popular at the present day. People react to it differently. Someone wants an explanation, but for others, it’s easier not to hear about the reasons for the break-up in all details, especially if it is about the shortcomings of a partner. However, if you have become a victim of ghosting, do not panic and do not feel sore about it. It’s better to ask yourself a question: why do you need a person for whom the prospect of never seeing or hearing you looks more attractive than a frank conversation? Do not despair and shrink into yourself. You will feel much better if you share your feelings with someone who truly loves you. Best friends and relatives will not run away from you. Swift your energy and attention to people you can trust.

Take care of your mind and your body

After you've been ghosted, it's easy to fall into a vicious circle: what have I done wrong? What have I said wrong? The truth is that you have no idea what is going in the mind of another person. You do not know who is guilty in the sudden break-up: you or your partner. A million different things can happen in their life, and they are completely unrelated to you, but made them stop the communication. You should resist the urge to watch the stories and tweets of this person to find out why they are ignoring you. In all likelihood, you will not find what you are looking for but only set yourself up for great suffering, discovering that your ex-partner is simply living their life as if nothing has happened.

It is better to take care of your mind and body and open up to the new. A good way to recover from such an absurd break-up is to cheer up a little. Say “yes” to the new and unknown. Have you been invited to a concert by an unknown musician? Come on! A guy asked you to go out to the bar? Why not? Have a friend called you to engage in sports activities? Lace-up your sneakers!

Let it go

If your friend or partner suddenly stopped the communication, remember that this is not about you. You have not become less valuable and worthy of love because of this. However, it characterizes the initiator of such a break-up. Perhaps they are afraid to face discomfort from their and your emotions. Also, it may be that they do not think about what kind of pain they are causing you or, even worse, they do not care. Regardless of their intentions, this is passive-aggressive behavior. In any case, a clear sign was sent to you, "I do not have what is needed to build a healthy relationship." Of course, you need some strength to let the situation go and not to reflect on it as long-running sufferings can prevent you from being open and sincere when you make new acquaintances. After all, the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. Therefore, just let this situation go and forget about the person who is not worthy of your love. It's hard to get acquainted with someone after you were abandoned in such a cruel way. Be open to new acquaintances and try not to lose hope. But if you want to remove all dating apps and concentrate on something else, give yourself a break.

Offer yourself some understanding and sympathy

The mere fact that your relationship has ended or suddenly fallen into oblivion does not mean that everything is so bad. You will never be the same as you were in this relationship. And if you reconsider the break-up concerning the new experience, you can move on and become a better version of yourself. However, you should not blame yourself and be tormented with the questions, “What has gone wrong?” Take pity and try to offer yourself some understanding and sympathy. The one who injured your feelings and disappeared in such an unscrupulous manner does not deserve your time, efforts, and love.

Acknowledge that it hurts

First of all, experts advise you to recognize and accept the fact that you have faced a behavior model that has its name and set of symptoms, which means that it is not an isolated case as it happens with a large number of women and men whose new friends disappear in the same way just like your friend – suddenly and without any explanation. It means that the break-up has nothing to do with either you or your qualities – both moral and physical – and there is no point in suffering, trying to understand what is wrong with you.

You should give yourself time to acknowledge that it hurts. And any attempts to forget about anger and disappointment will not make these negative emotions disappear completely. You should feel it and realize the pain. Take some time to stay alone with your frustration. But do not overdo it: remember that at some point, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Set the limit of your frustration – a few days or a week, and then, move on.

Final Thoughts

To sum up, ghosting is one of the most painful, stressful, and merciless ways to break up a romantic relationship with someone. It often brings a lot of unpleasant feelings and experiences and drives a person into bemusement, sufferings, and depressed mood. To avoid ghosting in dating, you should not speed things up and rush a relationship. It is better to draw attention to the signs of ghosting and let a partner take the initiative in the development of your communication. Observe our tips, and you will never face ghosting in online dating!