How to Overcome Doubts in a Relationship

The beginning of a relationship is the hardest, albeit a very pleasant period. Why the hardest? The main reason is that both partners don’t really know each other and therefore have no idea how to behave with each other. They simply don’t have enough information about each other. Together with this, they do their best to impress each other. At the same time, they’re somewhat afraid of each other, fearing to become a victim of manipulation – what if it’s not love, and one of the partners is just pretending to take advantage of the other? They’re attracted to each other by sympathy, falling in love, but at the same time, they begin to doubt.

When entering into a new relationship, most people feel insecure. This is natural – we want to show ourselves from the best side and hide our shortcomings. At the same time, there’s an uncertainty that causes doubts. We’ll tell you how to overcome insecurity, forget about doubts, and build a lasting relationship based on open communication while remaining who you are.

Is it normal to have doubts about your relationship?

So, are doubts in a relationship normal? Doubts of any nature are as much a part of human nature as instincts and reflexes. A baby begins to doubt before walking and talking. So nature made sure that we don’t waste physical and mental resources. Asking ourselves, “Am I doing the right thing?” we stop the choice only on those decisions that are vital at this particular moment. And while a long thought about whether to try bungee jumping helps to avoid unreasonable risk, then when you’re going to settle down with your partner, insecurity and doubts become a factor that can significantly complicate life.

Relationship doubts are a light that comes on if it’s not possible to double-check the facts about your partner. When you have to choose or make a certain decision, and there is more than one option or outcome, then the psyche detects a danger. Not necessarily a physical danger, although this is also possible. Rather, these are potential negative consequences of choosing a particular option.

The good news is that doubts are always resolved sooner or later. A person has to make decisions, pick one option. Even if it seems that doubt is unsolvable, it’s not. It just takes more time and responsibility. After all, taking one side or another as an option to resolve doubts, a person is responsible for the consequences. And they’re not always pleasant or painless.

Where do natural relationship doubts come from?

Typically, doubts about relationship are caused by one of three reasons: 

a) Self-doubt. A happy personal life is impossible if one of the partners constantly doubts their significance, is afraid to openly talk about their feelings and desires and is worried if they’re understood correctly;   

b) Uncertainty about the partner. Dealing with a relationship in real life is much harder than chatting with single women online. As a rule, an uncertain doubter already had a negative experience or observed a sadly ended relationship;   

c) Self-confidence. A carefully thought-out image of a partner doesn’t allow a person to establish any lasting connection since, after a while, every potential companion suddenly turns out to have flaws that don’t fit into the ideal portrait of a loved one.

Shyness, laziness, fears, guilt, complexes, lack of self-sufficiency, lack of awareness and even ambition – no matter what emotions and feelings serve as the basis for doubts in a relationship, the main thing to remember is that they’ll never fill your family life with joy and happiness. Sometimes only a qualified specialist can help you find the true cause of uncertainty, and, perhaps, it will take quite a long time.

Reasonable doubts about a relationship you cannot ignore

Here are seven main relationship doubts you can’t ignore if you’re building a long-term, healthy partnership.

Different goals

It's crucial to share common goals with your loved one. When discussing your plans for the future, do you notice that you and your companion don’t have the same vision of your relationship? Once you start having doubts that your goals coincide with your partner’s vision, you should get rid of them through a conversation.

Constant lies

There’s nothing wrong about having doubts about a relationship if you’re partner isn’t honest with you. Honesty is one of the pillars of a healthy partnership, just like communication. If you have doubts about your loved one not being completely open with you, you should discuss it right away.

Difference in values

We all have certain personal values that strongly affect our way of life. Two people whose values are entirely different – for instance, one considers hard work to be the core value in life, while the other put personal comfort in the first place in their value list ​​– are unlikely to form a lasting relationship because they’ll always criticize each other’s priorities.

Age difference

Nobody ever said that relationships are an easy thing. But age differences sometimes make them even more complex. Although age shouldn’t be the main issue, you should still discuss all the possible problems that may arise over time. Otherwise, expect unpleasant surprises.

Doubts about your choice

Do you feel awkward when you talk about kids? Do you think it’s too early to introduce your partner to the parents? Are there any things you hide from her? This happens quite often to the majority of couples. While having doubts about a new relationship is fine, uncertainties in a long-term partnership aren’t normal.

Care and attention

Of course, your partner likes it when you make efforts to look better or spend more time at work to earn a promotion, what if they need your attention more than financial freedom? They may be fine with you spending less time with them, but at some point, your partner might snap.

How to remove doubts in a relationship if they are causeless

As you can see, doubts don’t come from anywhere, and if you have them, it’s no accident. Convincing yourself that they’ll disappear someday is pointless. Something needs to be done with them; otherwise, they may drag on for months and even years. Here’s how you can get rid of doubts once and for all.

Get to know yourself better

This may sound strange, but it may not be easy to find features that other people already see in you. Also, you may be trying to be the person you aren’t. Suppose you have difficulties achieving your goals, and you don’t want your potential partner to see you as a loser. You begin to come up with impressive stories about your achievements and praise yourself, trying to seem like an answer to your partner's dreams. You radiate confidence and success and hide the fact that you’re harming yourself. How well do you yourself understand the reasons for your doubts?

Talk to each other

The easiest and most effective way is to have a chat. Communicate and ask each other the questions you always wanted to ask. Discuss everything that worries and excites you. Honesty and directness are the best way of understanding. Plagued with doubts, a relationship will never thrive. As soon as you both realize that you’re building something serious, you should immediately begin to communicate. By this, we mean confidential conversations about who likes what, what their views on relationships are, and so on. Ask directly and frankly and answer accordingly.

Work on finding solutions together

Determine what makes you doubt your partner. Then think together about options for dealing with this. If, for example, you start to doubt because your loved one constantly puts off important conversations about the future, talk openly about this, and find a compromise solution. If doubts arise after a quarrel, try a family psychologist and learn how to better resolve conflicts. Talk to each other about how you love to give and receive love. Some, for example, show their love by doing something sweet for a partner, while others prefer compliments and love notes.

Evaluate your partner’s efforts

When a partner tries to change their behavior so that you feel more confident in your relationship, show your appreciation for their efforts. Express your gratitude by saying, “I noticed that you tried to call me back as soon as you could. Thank you, dear.” Express gratitude when the partner does something to give you confidence in your relationship. For instance, “Thanks for warning me when I knew you were late.”

Focus your attention on the partner

Instead of wasting energy on worrying about what they think and shutting down, focus on the positive traits of the partner that attract you. Show interest in their dreams, desires, hopes, fears, plans, views, etc. After all, your partner is a mirror image of your qualities. Those traits that you notice and that attract you are what you believe in. You’ll naturally begin to better accept yourself if you focus on the positive sides of the partner and yours too. After all, you can’t be both positive and negative at the same time, right?

Try to be satisfied with yourself

Many people perceive a partner as someone who can fill the void or complement them. But it's not like that. You don’t need to be complemented – you’re a self-sufficient person and always will be, no matter what happens in your relationship. You were self-sufficient long before you met your partner, and all the voids that you see in yourself exist only in your imagination. Use the exercises for self-awareness and visualization to see yourself as a perfect holistic personality – and a wonderful loving person who’s attracted to their partner. The ability to see yourself as a personality makes you independent and able to love freely.

Look for proof of your doubts

Ask yourself, “If there’s’ any reason for having doubts about my relationship.” If you’re constantly disturbed by some obsessive thought, perhaps your intuition gives you a signal about the problem. However, before taking any action, look for evidence. Perhaps the doubts have increased after you noticed that the partner is flirting with someone else. Do you have other examples that bothered you about your lover's habit of flirting with others?

Yes. But when there’s any doubt, it makes no sense to try to find a solution only in your mind because no matter how hard you try to find explanations or excuses for the situation, until you sort things out with yourself and your partner, the situation will continue to exist and cause discomfort. And it’s important to understand that the longer this situation lasts, the harder it will be to resolve it in the future since the truth remains farther and farther in the past, and unearthing it becomes more and more difficult. Therefore, even at the very beginning of doubts, you should take measures immediately.