Surviving a Bad Breakup: 10 Things You Need to Know


We all dream to meet that special someone and live a happy life full of bright emotions together. But, as it often happens, we have to go a long way and make a lot of mistakes before we meet the person we’re looking for.

People meet and part ways all the time. Some of them get over a breakup easily, but for others, it’s a tragedy that inevitably leads to stress or depression. And the worst thing about it is that before you start a new relationship, you need to let go of the old one first, so as not to mess up again. But it’s not that easy. If you’re suffering from a failed relationship, here’s the guide on how to survive a breakup - for guys.

how to survive a breakup when you are still in love

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Usually, the end of the relationship is like the end of the world to us, at least for the first couple of weeks. Is it true that time heals? As it turns out, yes! Moreover, you need as little as three months for surviving a relationship breakup.

Some believe that at least half of the time the relationship lased must pass for the pain to start fading, while others think that a broken heart doesn’t have a timer at all. But, according to a study published in Journal of Positive Psychology, most people start to see the bright side of things a couple of months after the breakup.

The study involved 155 young people of both sexes. By the time the study began, all of them had been surviving a bad breakup for 11 months. Most respondents claimed they learned a lot about themselves, grew up as personalities, and became more purposeful after about three months of living alone. Sure, some of us need more time to heal a heart wound, and some less. Although many believe that it’s much easier for the initiator of the breakup to get over it because they have time to prepare for it, and they want it, it's not true. As the study showed, both sides, regardless who was the initiator, need approximately the same time to recover.

How to get over a breakup fast

Now, let’s see how to survive a breakup with someone you love and forget it as quickly as possible.

1) Focus on yourself

First of all, you have a lot of free time now, so you can finally devote it to yourself. Instead of wasting evenings on TV shows and walks in parks, you can start doing something really useful. Try self-improvement for a change. When was the last time you went shopping and didn’t have to wait for hours until she finds a T-shirt that suits her best? Can you remember the day you went to a movie theater alone? If you can’t, then it’s time to do it. Instead of sitting around and suffering, make yourself do something useful.

2) Focus on work

Wondering how to survive a breakup when you are still in love? Push harder! Take part-time work if you feel that you have too much free time or try freelancing. You should keep yourself busy so that you don’t have a single minute left to think about the relationship you lost. When you’re into something, it becomes much easier to forget about the problems. Most of the breakups (even if there was no love in the relationship) are so painful because pride and self-esteem get hurt. Some people overcome the pain in a couple of days, but others suffer for a long time. You don’t need a second variant. Focusing on work, you can achieve new career heights, learn a new language, and improve your skills that may come in handy one day.

3) Stop making a victim out of yourself

Instead of focusing on positive thoughts, many of us feel much more comfortable playing victims and feeling sorry for ourselves. There’s one simple explanation for this – infantilism or the feeling of uncertainty. We don’t want to take responsibility for ourselves as adults do. So, although we’re afraid of troubles when they come, we get caught up in them and don’t want to let them go. The more infantile a person is, the longer he stays in the state of mental suffering. He finally has a decent excuse for self-pity. And after a breakup, a person can stay in such state for many years if he wants. But what is the point?

how to survive a breakup with someone you love​If you want to know how to survive a breakup, you need to realize that there’s not a single reason for focusing on your pain. Adult and mentally healthy people never release themselves from their responsibility of taking care of their own and other people. After all, we need our loved ones. We need them strong, joyful, and able to support and make others happy. Therefore, you can’t allow yourself get stuck even in such a serious trauma as a breakup with a loved one. No one needs your tears and mental illnesses.

4) Cut all ties

Is she still on your friends list on Facebook? Block her right now! You don’t need this girl anymore, as her presence will be another painful reminder of your failed relationship (in case the breakup didn’t go in a friendly atmosphere). You see, those people, who break up and still stay in touch, can rarely be called friends. Most often, these are two ex-partners, who tried to live together, and it didn’t work, so now they just call each other from time to time. An adult man is the one that can get rid of ballast easily. And your ex is the ballast.

5) Work out

Nothing makes a girl mad like your personal success. And what can make you a successful person? New job? Awesome car? New girlfriend? All this works nice, of course. But if you turn from an ordinary guy into a workout machine with a beautiful body, your ex will definitely regret she dumped you. Gym and any physical activity is an excellent way to develop endorphins; besides, it can raise your spirits a bit. It will be hard to adapt to a new schedule, but if you have enough willpower, you’ll get used to it.

This advice works best for those, who don’t know how to survive a breakup when you have no friends because you don’t need anyone to assist you with this hobby. The main thing here is not to quit it.

How to be happy after a breakup

1) Let her go

If you did break up, then, first of all, you should accept this painful incident. If your loved one left you, you must let her go. It’s extremely important to put an end to the relationship.

There are different situations and conditions that lead to breakups. Even married couples aren’t immune to them. That’s why ‘putting an end’ doesn’t mean that you need to seal the door shut, bury the memory of your partner deep, and erase her from your life. Often, partners realize their mistake and come back, and if it happens to you, you can try to start anew. To ‘put an end,’ you need to reconcile with the breakup and let the person go. To learn how to survive a bad breakup, you should accept the fact that she has the right to make such a decision, even if it’s wrong.

In theory, it’s possible that after a while, you’ll both change and meet again as new people, and you’ll be able to create a new, more harmonious relationships. But for now, you can’t be together. The path you took came to this point. And this point is where your story ends. All that’s left is to acknowledge and accept that. If you still have at least a bit of those feelings you had for this person, accept her right to be free.

There are two key conditions for achieving happiness after a breakup: you need to stop all attempts to bring your partner back to your life and stop hoping that she returns to you herself. Some cling to their ex-partners for months and years. And as long as they cling, they suffer and get stuck in this state.

Often couples break up and start over several times. And the more often this happens, the lower the quality of their relationship gets. They humiliate themselves and their relationships. They become the perfect example of how not to end relationships and reduce their chances of building a normal union of hearts. Your attempts to return what you had won’t make your ex-partner fall in love with you again.

how to get through a breakup2) Get rid of obsessive thoughts

“How do I survive a breakup if I keep thinking about what happened?” Well, that’s a reasonable question. In the majority of crises, we suffer not from the situation itself, but from false obsessive thoughts. “You’ll never meet someone better than her.” “You’ll never fall in love again.” “How can anyone love a guy like me?” Such thoughts hurt us almost physically, plunging us into despair.

Relatively speaking, 10% of our suffering comes from the situation itself and from the inability to be with a loved one, etc., while 90% comes from destructive thoughts. So, as soon as you overcome these thoughts, your suffering will end. And there’s a quick way to do that. First of all, you need to perceive these thoughts as an external, hostile force which tries to drag you down. These thoughts aren’t born in your head. They came from outside to hurt you. And it’s up to you to decide whether to accept them or not.

3) Forgive yourself and your partner

Feeling anger towards an ex-partner and feeling guilty for what happened are two common problems of any breakup. Both of them prevent us from recovering. Your girlfriend may be guilty of something, or she might even be the one who ended the relationship. Nevertheless, if you still want to figure out how to get through a breakup, you need to forgive her, and there are two reasons for that.

Firstly, you don’t know exactly why you broke up. You don’t know the extent of your guilt. Your partner’s mistakes can be obvious, while yours stay hidden. But there’s still a connection between them. When the relationship falls apart, both partners are to blame. Each of you has your own truth. And knowing only your truth, but having no idea of what’s going on in your girlfriend’s head, you can’t judge her.

Secondly, your resentment binds you to her, like shackles fetter two convicts. By breaking the chain of resentment, you let both of you go. And each of you will carry a piece of chain - your share of responsibility.

4) Learn from mistakes and work on yourself

Your crisis is not a misfortune. It’s a test. And a test is an opportunity for personal development. And such opportunity is so important and valuable that it would be strange to call it a misfortune. When we grow up, we make one more step towards happiness. But personal growth doesn't happen by itself. If you just feel sorry for yourself, blame others, and lose heart, you won’t pass the test. As a result, your next breakup can be even more painful.

5) Do something good

How to get over a bad breakup? Start being useful. Good deeds are an important step towards happiness, as well. If the crisis led to low self-esteem, made you self-centered or self-restraint, then good deeds are the best medicine for you. But make sure you do something for nothing. Don’t turn it into a deal, expecting people's gratitude in return.

The most important thing about surviving a breakup is to be a man. Don’t forget who you are, don’t whine, and don’t bother others with your problems. Avoid all contacts with your ex: forget about her favorite nightclub, the park you first met, and so on. But if you meet her on the street, don’t hide. Keep going your own way with your head held high. Let her know that you’re doing great.

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