What Does It Mean to Be Sex Positive


“To be sex positive”... What do we mean? Doesn’t everyone love sex? Sex positive is a broad concept and includes not only love for sex but also the desire to learn something new about sex and sexual practices and not to interfere with other people. Sex is the main reason for our existence. Therefore, you shouldn’t be ashamed, afraid or hide your fantasies. Instead, you need to rejoice and educate each other, using all the possibilities and your positive attitude towards sex. But first things first.

sex positive person

What does sex positive mean?

The first thing I want to say is that all women and men want to love, and, moreover, to be loved. After all, it is our nature and we can’t argue with this. I think most of us dream of a happy family life, accompanied by high feelings and unforgettable intimate relationships. It is considered that intimate communication is accompanied with deep emotions and that our feelings will not allow us to make mistakes and save relationships. Is it so? Have you ever been disappointed? Most likely, you have. This happens when we don’t know how to get pleasure and joy from sex. At the very beginning, probably it is necessary to explain what sex is. Sex is an integral part of our life. But for someone, this is a reflection of love, for others, this is proof of victory or just pleasure. Do you know that sex is a different nature of love conversation between people? Sex is a huge world. And if it is not welcome for you and you don’t accept it, then don’t expect any privileges and indulgences from it.

So, what does it mean to be sex positive? The sex positive movement recognizes sexuality as an important part of a person’s personality and supports a healthy attitude towards sex. Its representatives advocate safe and consensual sex (a setting in which sex is possible only when both partners agree), a respectful attitude towards their sexual desires and desires of a partner. In addition, representatives of sex positive culture talk about the need for sex education. The idea that sex is an important part of human life was born in the 20s of the last century thanks to Freud’s pupil, psychologist Wilhelm Reich.

It was developed during the years of the sexual revolution. And now it is perceived as completely natural: even those who don’t consider themselves to be sex positive feminists somehow belong to this movement. But they know that a relationship is not just sexual intercourse. It is something more. In a healthy and mature relationship, there will be no question at all whether there is an orgasm or not because relationships become so positive, multifaceted and beautiful, that obsession with some details disappears.

Sex is a world in which you are desired if you love it. But if you don’t accept this world, this world doesn’t accept you. Full sexual life makes people healthy and their existence – meaningful. For a man, senseless work is terrible and for a woman, life without sex is not life at all.

Sex positive movement: main ideas and concepts

sex positive cultureSex positive people tend to have the following traits:

1. They get the new experience. First of all, they treat sex as a human act. They need time to get acquainted with the experience of other people who have different preferences. They get acquainted with bisexuals, people who love fetishes and everyone who has a different idea about sex and pleasure. No, they don’t study all these cultures in practice. They just want to understand how other people perceive sex. It can help reveal own sexuality.

2. They can talk about sex with partners. Good sex is about finding your perfect recipe for pleasure. They don’t expect that their partners will be able to read their thoughts and guess the desires.

3. They can tell about past sexual partners. They have a relationship of trust with their partners and share the experience of previous sexual relationships with each other. These people are adults and understand that they had sex before they met. This doesn’t mean that it is necessary to share intimate victories in detail. They simply are not afraid to mention them – past sex experiences shouldn’t be taboo. If a person is afraid to tell a partner about past “adventures” because he or she can’t predict a partner’s reaction, then this is a bad sign.

4. They don’t judge other people’s sexual preferences. Safety and harmony is the center for sex positive culture. Such details like how and with whom people prefer to get orgasm don’t affect their attitude towards them. When people start dividing concepts into “normal”, “shameful, and vulgar”, they will never find partners.

5. They don’t apologize for how they feel sexually. It means that they don’t apologize for their sexual feelings. Intimate experience and temperament, as well as preferences in bed, are not reasons to be ashamed. The main thing is that they feel comfortable in their sexual rhythm. Here is an example for you of how to be sex positive.

6. They are not afraid of pauses. In every person’s life, there are situations when they simply are not set up on sex: problems at work, a disease, no mood, no partner, etc. A healthy attitude to sex also implies a healthy attitude to its absence. The main thing is that these people still feel calm and good.

7. They don’t worry about orgasm. An orgasm is cool and pleasant, it’s hard to argue with it, but they are not upset because it didn’t happen for some reason. Firstly, there are many factors that affect orgasm, ranging from taking medication to the number of hours of sleep. Secondly, sex is good in itself, and if orgasm doesn’t happen – it’s okay to be philosophical about it. Sex positive people contact a specialist if orgasm hasn’t been present for a long time and it bothers them.

8. They have healthy sex education. They talk about body, sex, and sexuality, and that is why they feel much more confident in this world. They are adults but they can still contribute to positive sex education. They encourage others to talk about sex with teens and don’t hesitate to explain candid topics to their friends or sisters and brothers.

9. They don’t care about frequency. There is no arithmetic average for them! For someone, one sex night every two weeks is enough, while others can’t live without sex even a day. Sex in a relationship is not a standard of physical education.

10. They love their bodies. Obviously, is impossible to have a positive attitude to intimacy without love for own body. A sex positive person is not ashamed of own appearance. It’s not about wandering around a nudist beach without embarrassment, but about not being afraid of the reflection of their naked bodies in the mirror.

11. They don’t have sex with anyone. To have sex with everybody is an absolutely bad idea. Such reasoning like “it costs me nothing” is destructive. First, it costs them a good relationship with their own bodies, which is much more important than a relationship with anyone. Secondly, sex should please. This is the only immutable truth. Isn’t it a good foundation for joining sex positive culture?

12. They understand that sex is not always passionate. It happens in different ways. And it’s not at all necessary to scream, moan and so on. Sometimes sex is just sex.

13. They don’t criticize other people for sexual behavior or appearance. Bright appearance, frank clothing, bold statements – in our society, it is enough for people to doubt your moral principles and mental abilities. Sex positive people are not like them. They don’t blame anyone for appearance or defiant behavior.

what does it mean to be sex positive14. They watch their sexual health. For example, knowing their HIV status, they don’t hesitate to ask for a help from a doctor. They regularly examine themselves because this is also part of a positive attitude towards sex. They pay attention to their problems in sexual life: reduced libido, inability to get the orgasm from sex with a partner, and so on. In case of any doubts about their intimate health, they go to a doctor.

Sex positive feminism

Feminist ideology changed and extended throughout its existence: within its framework, many trends both famous and little-known arose. The first wave of feminism came in the middle of the XIX - beginning of the XX century: it was aimed at fighting for the election and other rights of women, for their emancipation. In the late 1960s - 1970s, a second wave of the feminist movement emerged – the struggle against gender discrimination, affecting issues of family, reproductive rights, sexual, political, and economic relations. The third wave of feminism arose in the 1990s and, according to some researchers, still continues: in addition to issues of equality, it also raises problems related to race, class, sexual orientation and gender identity.

What is sex positive feminism? Sex positive feminists consider that an important part of their views is that women have the right to control their sexuality and enjoy sex as much as men. They advocate safe and consensual sex and talk about the importance of sex education. They also oppose the stigmatization of sex work and call for sex workers to be primarily individuals whose rights need to be protected. They are often compared with sex-negative feminists: they are opposed to turning sex into a commodity for consumption, categorically against prostitution and pornography.

There is one thing in common between these two opposite at first glance points of view: representatives of both trends oppose sexual violence and exploitation of female sexuality, but choose different methods to solve these problems. Sex positivism is not about the need to have sex with everyone in a row, participate in orgies and try all the products from the sex shop. This is about the attitude towards sex. You can be sexually positive and, at the same time, a monogamous person with traditional views.

So, a sex positive view helps get rid of destructive emotions like unconstructive shame, feelings of guilt for who you are or negative feelings for others who don’t share your values. Don’t fight, but live in harmony with yourself and society.

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