How to deal with ghosting in dating


You've decided that there is no point in looking for your partner online, as you simply can ask out one of your colleagues or you group-mates in college. You are sure that you are going to find someone to go on an offline date within a week. But you end up dating online in vain for months and months. It's a common thing for online dating. You start chatting with five to ten people at once, and you can't pick the one who suits you best. Things get much worse if you are wasting your time on an online dating service without anyone writing and responding to you. Well, most likely you've become a victim of online dating ghosting. If you wonder what is ghosting and what to do with it, this article can be helpful for you.

How to deal with ghosting in dating

What Does Ghosting Mean?

So, what is ghosting? Originally, ghosting was described as breaking off a relationship via ending all the contacts with a former partner. A breakup without notifying your partner can be also considered ghosting. But nowadays, ghosting can be attributed to dating. What is ghosting in dating? Have you ever broken up with a girlfriend without letting her know about your intentions? Well, congratulations, you had been ghosting a girl. Ghosting can be also attributed to friendship. Have you ever ended up a relationship with a friend abruptly and then acted like you've never known him or her? Well, congratulations! You had been ghosting a friend. What does ghosting someone mean? You already know. Unfortunately, we rarely realize when we are ghosting someone. When it comes to online dating, ghosting is either when your online date mate stopped chatting with you abruptly or nobody pays attention to you at all. When no one replies to your messages. The term appeared around 2010 and gained popularity in 2015 when a lot of high profile magazines were using it to describe the dissolution of romantic relationships between celebrities. Same year 'ghosting' was added to Collins English Dictionary. All in all, the major thing about ghosting is the fact that you are feeling absolutely unnoticed, like a ghost, when it comes to relationships with your exes and prospective partners.

What Is Ghosting in a Relationship?

While you may say that ghosting in online dating is hard, as it affects you self-esteem, but the pain is not even close to the pain that ghosting in a relationship brings. It is one thing to be ignored by your prospective partner, but being wiped out from the life of someone you had relationship with is another thing. You can't understand what's going on. Moreover, you don't realize that you are breaking up until it is too late.

Is ghosting in relationship cruel? Some psychiatrists claim that ghosting is a kind of passive-aggressive mental abuse. But quite often, ghosting works as a tool of self-protection. Quite often, women and men use ghosting in order to avoid harsh conversations with both prospective and ex-partners. They quite often use ghosting in texting to achieve that. What is ghosting in texting? Ghosters just don't want to explain anything, that's why they don't reply to your messages. While they avoid hurting themselves emotionally, they do hurt you. Thus, ghosting is not always a result of someone's cruel intentions.

Why Ghosting Hurts so Much?

As we've already established, sometimes the reason behind ghosting lies in the fact that your former partner doesn't want to have a painful conversation about your breakup. It all comes down to you not feeling that angry about their actions. Kinda like with insects and snakes: don't worry, they are more afraid of you than you are afraid of them. But one thing remains – ghosting hurts. Even when you accept the explanation that he/she is too afraid to tell you that straight. But why does ghosting hurt so much?

1. You Feel Like an Idiot

Of course you feel like being played a fool. When you are communicating with someone and all of a sudden the person shuts down all the communication with you, you feel at least disrespected. A lot of online daters claim that ghosting is the cruelest form of torture in online dating. Funny enough, you feel that an explanation why your prospective partner or ex partner decided to end communication with you, even the most unpleasant one, would hurt less than ignoring. Instead of explanation, you are left completely alone guessing was it something that you said or did or your partner had other reasons.

2. You Feel Hopeless

When you decide to use dating apps you hope that you are going to become popular there. You hope that you are going to draw a lot of attention from other users. When no one shows interest in your profile, you slowly start making first steps in trying to attract their attention. Of course, absence of reaction can easily make you feel devastated. When you are being continuously ghosted online, you start losing your hope that you would be able to find a partner. And thus, your online experience leaves you hopeless. People who take their online dating too serious can even experience mental problems as a result of online ghosting.

3. You Feel Empty

The emptiness is one of the main outcomes of ghosting after a long relationship. Quite obvious that you are going to feel empty. You have been sure that everything is fine and that things are going to stay that way forever, and then, all of a sudden, your partner shuts down all communication with you, without even explaining what is wrong. You feel absolutely empty and the absence of explanation prevents you from starting dating again, as you don't know for sure whether you were responsible for the breakup or not.

Ghosting After a Long Relationship: How to Cope?

As we've already established, ghosting after a long relationship causes a lot of pain. Considering the fact that depression and isolation are the most likely outcomes of ghosting, it can take a lot of time to recover from it. Absence of knowledge of how to deal with ghosting after a long relationship can easily turn a woman into a crazy cat lady and a man into a hermit. In other words, it is hard to start dating after that. So, it is crucial to know how to cope with ghosting. In order to help you, we've collected some advice on how to deal with ghosting after a long relationship.

1. Acknowledge That It Hurts

Most of us prefer to reject the fact that something hurts us. We don't like to admit that we are vulnerable, and it helps in many ways, but that doesn't mean that we are indestructible. You just may seem to be untouched, even to yourself, but deep inside you still have pain. Subduing pain doesn't mean getting rid of it. It still rots deep inside of you and whenever you try to move on and start a new relationship, it wakes up and haunts you. So, admitting that it hurts after your long relationship ends up into ghosting is the very first step in coping with it.

2. Give Yourself a Deeper Understanding

Generally, you would be advised to talk about that experience, but first you need to sort of talk about it with yourself. You need to give yourself a deeper understanding and sympathy. Allow yourself to understand that you are human and that you are experiencing natural human emotions. Don't judge yourself too harsh, it is okay to feel devastated or a little bit lost after being ghosted. But mind that you should just allow yourself to go through those emotions. In no way should you start pitying yourself, as it won't help you. It would only let you fall deeper and deeper into depression. So, allow yourself those emotions, but don't overdo it.

3. Talk About It

Talking with yourself can't be enough, as your conversation-mate doesn't change and sooner or later you may have doubts about the original reasons behind ghosting. That can easily lead you into thinking that you did or said something wrong and, probably, deserved to be ghosted. That's when you need to talk your experience over with your friends and relatives. Even if it turns out that you did something wrong, you friends and family are going to be on your side and help you analyze the situation thoroughly. They will help you realize that regardless of what you've done, breaking up without notifying you is an indecent act. Understanding that will help you get over ghosting and start dating again.

4. Don't Neglect Yourself

Generally when we experience a breakup, we quite often go down-spiral physically. We forget about taking shower, we forget about taking care of ourselves. You start eating a lot, you get fat. Well, getting ghosted can double that effect, which you should avoid no matter what. Go into physical training, it will distract you from your thoughts. You should go deep into working and into your everyday routine. Don't neglect yourself, don't turn into a ghost literally, as it would lower your chances on prospective dating.

5. Let It Go

After going through all the above-mentioned steps you can realize that despite the reasons or the absence of reasons in your ex ghosting you, it is not the end of the world. As time passes, your wound heels and you can let that ghosting go.

How to Respond to Ghosting

While dealing with ghosting after a long relationship is way harder than coping with ghosting in online dating, you still need to know how to respond to it. Quite often people get depressed by online ghosting, but you can easily avoid it by following simple rules. We've collected three main rules of how to respond to ghosting, which we offer you to check out without further ado.

1. Stay Calm

Ask yourself what is the most common reason behind people getting depressed by being ghosted. It is definitely hard to come up with an answer immediately. Surprisingly, the answer can be way much simpler than you might have thought. Naivety and a blind belief in yourself – that's why you can get depressed after being ghosted online. You believe that you are going to find a partner immediately and that online world is waiting for you so much that you easily get hurt when things turn out otherwise. Just keep calm and continue trying. Being ghosted a few times is quite okay for an online dating market, as a lot of people don't know what they really want. It's easy to get hopeless and think that you will never find a partner, but it's way better to stay calm and continue improving your profile and searching for prospective date-mates online.

2. Confirm That You're Being Ghosted Intentionally

There is no point to jump onto conclusions. First, make sure that you've been really ghosted. Your prospective partner can be just busy. A lot of social media allows figuring out whether you are being ghosted deliberately or not. If your prospective partner doesn't read your messages, probably he or she is too busy to do that. Give it time. Give it a week and he or she will reply. If your prospective partner reads your messages but doesn't reply, then you can conclude that he or she is ghosting you. Anyway, it is better to confirm your suspicions before jumping onto conclusion that you are being ghosted.

3. Don't Get Trapped

Typical reaction to being ghosted online is getting depressed wondering why someone doesn't like you. That's when you increase the risk of falling into deep depression that might prevent you from further dating attempts. It is way better to calmly face the truth that we are not entitled to be loved by everyone and move on. Think of it as of a possibility to find someone better. That's the way to be successful in your online dating, instead of holding grudge or finding excuse for your ghosting chat mate in hopes that he or she will finally change his or her mind and respond.

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